June 2007 Archives - mocha beanie mummy

Hello old friend

June 28, 2007 By mocha beanie mummy Leave a Comment

It’s back. At least, I think it is. My old friend. My old buddy, the old ‘Slippery Slope’. And here I am looking deeply into the mouth of it, just thinking how easy it would be to throw myself into it for the next nine months and just float by, and then come out of it when Mocha is born.

It’s funny; that’s the easiest option, yet it’s quite possibly harder than dealing with it than life itself.

I’m also at that old dilemma of hearing people say ‘just get over it’. I’ve never heard such bollocks in my life. And one person in particular who says that, of all people, should just fucking know better than that. But I guess I almost forgive their ignorance.

I never thought I’d be back here so soon, especially in the middle of the pregnancy. Hah! Who am I kiddin? Im not near the middle yet, as all the opinionated people like to tell me it’s still really early yet.

Oh yeh? Fuck off and bite me.

Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 13+0 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 11 weeks
Fetus Heartbeat: 143 bpm
Time to Go: 188

I have a lot more happier things to write about, but as per usual in the pits of depression (Oh, er sorry, I exaggerate – I meant, feeling a little down. PAH) I can never seem to focus on those. All the nursery stuff is ordered, due to arrive in October. Other odds and ends ordered, due to arrive in the next few weeks.

People dishing out opinions like cheese samples in Sainsburys, already arrived and with a vengeance. You become pregnant, suddenly everyone’s a fucking doctor. And of course, no other opinion (including your own) counts. Lately all I want to do is punch people in the face. Usually anyone who tries to speak to me.

And christ on a cracker, MIL is back on form, barking orders to ‘go and visit’ (er, last I heard, this was actually an option?) and I can seriously see myself screaming at her to ‘Back the Fuck Off, Bitch’. Man that would go down So. Well.

Christ, this is not the best time to write a post.

On the upside, Mocha’s heartbeat is still currently the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Ring ring!

June 22, 2007 By mocha beanie mummy Leave a Comment

Well it’s been…an interesting week I guess. Can’t really remember much of it, apart from sleeping, trying not to barf, trying to psyche myself up to practice my cello (which I still haven’t done), obsessing over baby stuff and trying to decide what the hell to write in my blog. But here’s something lovely:

Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 12+1 day
Month: 3
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 10 weeks
Fetus Heartbeat: 158 bpm
Time To Go: 194 days

Yeppers, new due date (because Mocha is a whale already) so let’s say hello second trimester!! Can you say ‘still feeling shit’? I’m still narked over the whlle DPA thing (cos you know, dog with a bone…) and had some fabulous news from the doc yesterday.

Doc the 2nd: I’m not happy about you carrying around your cello and bass, especially with your sciatica. And what are you going to do about September?

Me: Um…

Doc the 2nd: Do you have any numbness? Where does it hurt at the moment?

Me: Um, well not numbness, just pins and needles…

Doc the 2nd: Ok I think I’m going to refer you to physio, they should be in touch with you soon.

etc etc… And a marvellous phone call from my midwife 2 days earlier.

Midwife: Hi, we have your blood results through, and everything is fine apart from that you have sickle cell trait..

Me: WHAT?

Midwife: Uh, I’m guessing you didn’t know that.

So now they’re going to stab DH for blood too. Add to this the possibility of antenatal depression, postnatal depression, more blood tests and my head exploding, things are just marvellous. Oh and just in case I hadn’t learnt to just ignore the phone when it rings, just had CJ on -

CJ: So, when are you coming back?

Me: Don’t know, Doc the 2nd has said I might not even be allowed to play anymore.

CJ: Don’t wanna ask but just wondering how come you’re still gigging…

Me: Well, it’s because I beg lifts from DH or risk driving and crashing my car again and because I’ll lose my fucking marbles stuck in this house doing shit all and because I can only play an hour at a time anyway before I either fall asleep or supress the urge to scream in agony over my frigging leg/ass/back.

I didn’t actually say those words, but perhaps used the less explicit version. You know what though? I want to go back. I think about The Situation everyday. After this Mocha is born, I would love to go back to a couple of days a week. But I truly believe they want me out the door. Which sucks donkey bollocks. I wanted to be pleased someone had called me. But that paranoia still says ‘yeh it’s all a load of shit, babes’.

I am, however, starting to seriously wonder if this sciatica will ever ease up, or will it just get so bad that I can’t even play anymore. That scares me a whole lot. I’m still outrageously tired, yet my sleep at night…well…ha. Mocha might not be kicking me yet, but my bladder sure likes to let me know of it’s presence.

And the good news for this post? Um….

Oh yeh!! If you poke my belly hard enough you can feel a uterus in there. I’m growing a small but very firm watermelon.

Filed Under: Doctor, Midwife, Mommy blog, pregnancy, pregnant, work

Ah screw it. I’m not really pregnant.

June 18, 2007 By mocha beanie mummy Leave a Comment

Or at least, maybe it would make people feel better if I behaved that way. I understand the world does not revolve around me. I understand there are other people in the world, who also have great news. I also, fully understand, that there are people who have crap news too, and can’t always share in the good stuff. But why. WHY. Do people insist on crapping. on. my. parade.

Bonehill’s pregnant. And chose yesterday, right as I walked through the door, to tell me. Then in the evening, a text from Ayn saying she was pissed at everyone’s focus and concentration. And then today, another text saying please be sensitive around Anthony because he wants kids, and curb your enthusiasm and blah blah shit bollock smells.

But you know what? Apart from the fact that most people these days can go and get bent, I shall continue to enjoy this damned freaking pregnancy as much as I can because you know what? I heard Mocha moving around on the doppler this morning, and you know what? The only people to know about it may be me, DH and The Internet because you know what? Sometimes the only people you can count on are the ones who genuinely want to be happy for you. Or can be bothered to read.

I wonder if I should put timelines at the start of every entry.

I’m really sad about DPA now. It’s sad but I feel forgotten already. IC still hasn’t contacted me (it’s true!! He doesn’t give a rats ass). CJ also hasn’t contacted me (it’s true!! He’s hoping I’ll quit). There’s kind of that feeling of ‘ok, now she’s almost out the door, how fast can we phase her out entirely???’ which of course annoys the crap outta me especially when I actually still made an effort from home. And it’s a reeeeeeeeally sad state of affairs when your students update you on what’s going on.

There’s gotta be more happier news in this somewhere…lemmie think…oh yeh…ummm…..

I’ll be back later.

Filed Under: Mommy blog, pregnancy, pregnant, work

Bigger than your average bean (as you can see)

June 16, 2007 By mocha beanie mummy Leave a Comment

AAAAAAAACK. Ok so I left the planet for a short while and didn’t post. Well, actually I just went to Cornwall with DH, on a much needed, stress free, work free break. Did absolutely nothing all week (eat, sleep, eat, sleep), was frickin ace. Now I’m home and I’ll do more of the same (eat, pass out, eat, pass out).

Oh yeh, and we had our U/S last Monday.

Due Date: 01/08/2008
Week: 10+4 days
Month: 3
Trimester: 1
Fetus Age: 9 weeks

Time To Go:
Due Date: 205 days
2nd Trimester: 9 days

So of course, the scan was freakin awesome. I was naturally crapping myself in what felt like the lengthy eternity before she put the scanner on my belly, and that blank screen looked like it wanted to make some kind of mockery of me. As soon as she put it on my belly, there she was, bouncing around like something I could never even imagine. Mocha was there, in full glory, waving arms and legs like she was trying to say hello, bouncing around all over the place. Needless to say, I cried (well it was inevitable. Now shut the hell up).

You could see head, body, legs, arms, cord, sac…and most importantly, the heartbeat (a crazy little flashing blob in the middle of it all). Madam Sonographer moved the scan thingy around a bit and also found a cyst on one of my ovraies, and suspected it may have come from the work done with the D&C, but said it didn’t look like there was anything to worry about. She even found the follicle that Mocha would have come from, which was oddly creepy.

Then came the moment of amusement – according to my charts I was 9w6d at the scan, whereas Mme Sonographer said Mocha was measuring 10w5d. Holy cow (wildebeast), I think she may be a big one. My siblings and DH’s siblings were all around the 9lb mark when born. That does not fill me with confidence.

Interestingly, I asked Mme Sonographer on her opinion with Dopplers. She seemed very adamant about not using them, and suggested we wouldn’t get any use out of one til after 12 weeks (like, around the 16 week mark?!). Hmm…yes hi…I’m convinced she was just trying to make sure we wouldn’t freak out if we didn’t hear it.

So I ovbiously tried it again as soon as we got back from Cornwall. Few seconds, and there she was. Thanks Mme Songrapher, but I think we’re ok.

And now, for the first time ever, presenting to you….some pictures.

I’m still wary about this blogging thing, so I’ll maybe post some more soon. But at the moment, I seem to write enough for a novel. So enough alrady.

Filed Under: baby scan, Mommy blog, pictures, ultrascan

You’re not REALLY interested…are you?

June 10, 2007 By mocha beanie mummy Leave a Comment

OOOOOHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYY FREAAAAAAKING GOOOOOOOOD. People annoy the shit outta me, I swear.

Me: Heya Nick! Guess what!! Guess who’s pregnant!

Nick: You never are, are ya? That’s great!

Me: Thanks!!!

Nick: Yeah I had a vasectomy yesterday…

(here follows 5 minutes of graphic details…)

Cos, um, like, what the fuck? And I’m supposed to care? And did you not hear what I just said?? GOD DAMMIT??

Oh wait, hold on -

Due Date: 01/08/2008
Week: 9+5 days
Month: 3
Trimester: 1
Fetus Age: 8 weeks

Time To Go:
Due Date: 211 days
2nd Trimester: 15 days
UltraScan: 12 hours (YEEEEAAAH baby)

And my other grief is people who just won’t leave me the fuck alone because I’m not ready to tell you yet because it’s MY NEWS AND I KNOW THE WORLD WILL KNOW BEFORE I’VE EVEN. FINISHED. TELLING. YOU. None of your damn business, tell you when I’m damn near good and ready. Though you’ve probably told everyone anyway. Damnit.

As I lay in bed last night, at 2am, listening to DH snore downstairs on the sofa and feeling resentful that I couldn’t sleep because those snores haunt me in a sleeping and waking life, I wondered what would happen if I put a pillow over DH’s head. Then I laughed about it and told him this morning. He laughed too. All be it nervously. I thought it was funny.

So, Cornwall tomorrow, and lord it’s long overdue. I’m so looking forward to seeing Phil and spending an obscene amount of time on the beach, not thinking about the suckage that is work. Cos I sill haven’t heard from them and so of course they still suck. But not people at my level of course though (yes, us scrutters who deserve nothing). Well, I heard from J-Po and he’s still lovely as ever. But he’s the only one that knows (I hope). Haven’t heard from anyone else though. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Oddly enough, I’m slightly bitter about it. But that’s because I’m thinking they just dont care, when I’m not even sure that I want them to. Or maybe they’re not supposed to contact me or something. Or maybe the ice-cream I just ate made me feel sick and now all I want is my salt and vinegar (chipsticks? Yes please).

Anyway, Cornwall. Oh yeh. I packed a bikini. Cos I’m obviously gonna wear it on the beach, sporting my obscene bloatedness.

Scene – On the beach
DH: Hey babe you look great in that bikini.

Me: yeh, don’t feel great, but thanks. My boobs totally make the top look fucking ace.

Local/swimmer: OH MY GOD, THERE’S A WHALE ON THE BEACH!! HOLY SHIT SOMEONE CALL THE COASTGUARD!!!!

DH: …

Me: I’ll be right back.

Still only gained a pound though, and gone up two cupsizes (now in E cup) so shove THAT up yer skinny ass crotches.

Oh yeh and U/S too. That still hasn’t actually sunk in yet, so at the moment I’m still fretting about whether I’ll have enough piss in my bladder for them to prod at and make it totally worth our while. We (only just) heard the heartbeat today. Mostly because I’ve been pissing every thirty minutes as a result of..well, the freaking obvious. I’m not even convinced that seeing a pic will bring it home. And I’m guessing all I’ll see is a little fuzzy blob (baby). With a big gaping blob (bladder). And maybe some squiggly blobs (umbilical cord, limbs).

But I am happy. Really.