March 2011 Archives - mocha beanie mummy

“In The Night Garden” iPad/iPhone app review. It Sucked.

March 31, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 4 Comments

You know…I was going to vlog this, but quite frankly it was all over so quickly, I barely had time to turn the camera on.

A PR company got in touch asking if The Smalls wanted to review (another) app. I’m starting to get a bit twitchy about it, but that’s mostly because they’re getting too familiar with my Apple goods.

MY Apple goods.

I’m all for education.

But the Apple goods are MINE.

Anyway…

This one was In The Night Garden. They sent me the code and I downloaded it to my iPhone and iPad (omg did I mention I have an iPad? I have an iPad. No wait… I have an iPad 2. There’s a difference. It’s quite delicious. The iPad is delicious, not the difference. This could be a whole other post) where the app sat waiting for the right moment to trial on the kiddo.

In The Night Garden iPhone app

There was no way Noah was going to play it. No chance; I think he’s well and truly done with all ITNG has to offer. Can’t say I blame him; he’s 3 years going on 13. Isaac, however, still seems to love ITNG, so he became the guinea pig.

In The Night Garden iPad

He spent the first 30 seconds mashing the screen, looking for the interactive bits. He didn’t get many.

90 seconds later, he handed me the iPad, sighed, and wandered off into the garden. (A real live garden, one which needn’t be contained on an iPad…just saying…)

To say he was disappointed was an understatement. The activities are as follows:

In The Night Garden iPhone app

I didn’t get as far as “Options” or “More Fun”. The point of iPhone and iPad apps is interactivity, for kids in any case. So when he discovered that hardly any of the screen was interactive (especially the “Dancing!” game, whereby you have to just watch what happens without actually doing anything), he got bored. Really quick. Why have this, when he can watch the big stuff on the TV? This is quite possibly the most dull app I’ve seen, and Isaac’s behaviour clearly showed this. In fact, I suspect the conversation could have gone as follows:

Me: Look Isaac! In The Night Garden! On my iPad! MY iPad! I love you, son.

I: …oooo looky greasy fingers shiny screen *poke poke* oooo look In The Night Garden is it time for me to poop yet SHINY!

Me: Ok, look, that screen doesn’t actually do anything…

I: *prod prod* this isn’t doing anything and why is she just singing at me why is she not moving on the screen mom why can’t I get her to move?

Me: Ok Isaac, just – look! Look, Upsy Daisy’s bed is um, “hidden” behind that bush. Look, touch it and -

I: *stab stab* Mom Upsy Daisy is on the screen and she’s not doing anything why mom why mom look I’m stabbing her and she’s just standing there saying her name over and over again and yeah seeya.

Me: Ooooo look! INFINITY BLADE…

Turns out I should stay on telly.

** The “In The Night Garden” app was sent to use for free under the agreement that it would be reviewed on this blog. You can download it from iTunes for 59p. Or you can go find a better app, probably for free.

Filed Under: Isaac, Reviewing and reviews and stuff Tagged With: In The Night Garden, iPad, iPhone, Review

The Gallery – Sweet Jesus This Will Haunt Me

March 30, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 36 Comments

As soon as I saw that this week’s Gallery theme was “Hair” I just knew I couldn’t turn that one down. Anyone who has known me over the years, will know my hair has been, um, “different” in various ways. Afro Caribbean hair can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Some of the styles are…inexplicable. Some of them are beyond awesome. Some of them, I blame the 80s.

Go laugh it up. I think my hair ROCKS.

Filed Under: photography, The Gallery, wtf

Boys will be boys. Right?

March 28, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 22 Comments

I’ve often heard parents talking about NerfGuns, LegoHero, Ben10 and something about Bionicle, and many other things of which mean nothing to me. However I am reliably informed that they are all pretty much, “toys for boys”. I don’t have a problem with what the boys play with in general, certainly from a gender point of view. I loved Lego StarWars at 6 years old (and still do) and Noah currently likes to push a pushchair around when we go for a walk. I love it.

But what I DO have a problem with, is toys as weapons.

Swords, guns, knives and the rest of it. It never occurred to me, pre-children, that I would vet their toys in anyway, but I will never forget walking through a housing estate a good few years back when a kid in a pushchair, couldn’t have been older than 4, pointed a toy gun at me and said “Bang bang! I’m gonna shoot you DEAD!” What the fuck? What am I supposed to do with that? The woman who was with him just laughed. Was that acceptable? It’s not like there was anything I could have said, is there?

2 Christmases ago, family bought two water pistols, one for Noah and one for Isaac. When we opened them, D and I looked at each other in a blinding panic. Isaac was only 7 months and Noah wasn’t even 2 years. Was this how we wanted to start our boys, with the knowledge that guns, as toys or otherwise, were pretty much acceptable? Remember their ages, before you answer that one.

I fully understand that I can’t protect them from this stuff forever. Of course not! They see glimpses of shit on tv or other media that isn’t suitable for them, and of course their peers at school will teach them all maner of things I would rather they didn’t know (Noah, whilst fighting to get some food on his fork, suddenly exclaimed “God, come on! JESUS!” which I know he didn’t get from me since I’ve strongly curbed my language around him a while ago. I’m trying, dammit); I perfectly understand I can’t control everything.

I’m waiting for the day when Noah rolls up in his wheels, covered in gold bling, pistol poking out is (under the ass) jeans, loudly yelling “Yo MOMS! What’s a bitch gotsta do to get some food up in here? Man I gotsta pop a cap in yo ass?”

With Isaac behind laughing like a hyena and brandishing a top quality flick knife.

Only the best for my boys, of course.

It’s all stereotypical, but it’s not really, is it? Much of frigging society sees the above when they see a couple of half-caste kids on the street. One of those kids is mine. And he’s a he. But Jesus, he doesn’t have a pistol or a damn flick knife. Because I pulled my finger out my ass and did my best to teach them that knives and guns and blasting the crap out of each other and slicing throats and chopping off limbs until they’re dead isn’t actually acceptable. I think boy OR girl, no matter what, ALL kids should understand basic shit like that. And as the damn parent, it’s our job to teach them that.

Filed Under: assvice, Fucked-Up-Ness, Isaac, Mutha-Hood, Noah, parenting

Silent Sunday

March 27, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 122 Comments

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
What is Silent Sunday?

Filed Under: Silent Sunday

Dear So and So…Apple Edition

March 25, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 6 Comments

Dear Apple

You are mean. First of all, you release the iPad 2 later in the UK than in The States. And then you announce you’re not going to release it until 5pm? 5 in the AFTERNOON? So I couldn’t even have it on my doorstep first thing this morning?

MEAN.

But because it’s you, I will let it go.

Muchos amores,

An Apple Pushover

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Dear Mr Jobs

You know how people bitched about the iPhone 4 dropping calls and having antennae problems, and you pretty much didn’t say anything? And then instead of correcting the phones, you just gave out rubber bumpers to put on the phones and called it good?

And you know how loads of people are going on about the iPad 2 having backlight leakage and you’re pretty much not saying anything?

And the iPhone 5 is due out this summer and I’ve held on for as long as I can possibly bear to get one because I’m hoping for drastic improvements in your products?

Do not screw us over. It’s just not pretty.

Yours, not very jealous of your empire,

An Apple Consumer

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Dear Apple Shop Genius’

As part of your training, do you have to be really hawt? Seriously, how are none of you fugly? Is it something you have to be vetted for when you apply for the job? Or do you apply some secret mist around the door of the shop to make you all appear attractive to visitors?

Damn you and your hotness.

Yours, any which way you like,

An Apple Whore

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Dear iMac, MacBook Pro, iPhone, iPod and Apple TV

With the impending arrival of my iPad 2, you know you won’t need to feel left out, right? You know I will always love you, right? You know I am completely and utterly brainwashed by Apple and all available products, right?

I heart you all. Honestly, I do.

Simply yours,

An Apple FanGirl

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Dear Children of Mine

Do not even look at my iPad 2. Not for at least a month.

Love you!

Mom.

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Dear People of the Interwebs Who Probably Don’t Give a Shit About My Apple Fixations

Um, it’s your turn to write your letters. Go write, and then hook yourself up over at Ms Kat’s place. She has an iPad.

Just saying.