June 2011 Archives - mocha beanie mummy

Photography workshops? More of that, please.

June 29, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 9 Comments

Ok, ok. It’s been plaguing me since the very second I said “thank you all” and took a bow.

I LOVED doing my photography workshop at Cybermummy 11. And I want to do more of that stuff.

I want to help more peeps get to grips with those basics of photography and nailing a decent image without having to resort to editing and the like. I want to see people have the satisfaction of getting that fabulous photo, in camera.

I’m starting (re-starting?) my photography blog, but I’m bringing it here on to my personal blog. No other reason apart from the fact that it’s a part of me. It’s what I do. In hindsight, I wish I’d had it here in the first place. If you look up at the tabs just below my header, you can see that one of them says photography. Hopefully, all photography tutorials and stuff will appear in there. It might not be rammed with info, and it may not be updated very often, but all I want to do is help.

Frustratingly, I know that there is only so much I can cram into a post, before people feel like they’re becoming over-loaded with information which doesn’t make sense. When I took Tara and Muddy to the park, it was clear to see how much they were learning, for getting the hands-on help. That, to me, is SO important.

I don’t really know what to do from here. I do know that I loved all the photography I did on the day, and that I want to teach others to be more confident with their photography equipment. I have an assistant working with me in my pro guise at the mo, and although I’m finding it surreal, it’s helping me constantly stay on top of my own work standards. And if it’s helping him produce better work and be happy with his career, then great. That’s my aim in having him along.*

So I’m planning. I don’t know how fast I’ll put these plans into fruition, but I’m planning. Or at least, thinking. Basic photography workshops for bloggers? Maybe days out somewhere? A weekend retreat on location? I don’t know. I have big ideas and yet I’m shit at executing them. Whether I’m under my pro guise or just blogging little old me, doing photography workshops seems like a pretty cool thing to do. But will it be worth watching this space? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I hope so.

BIIIIIIG thanks to Maris World for recording this snippet of the photography workshop for me! If I can track down any more, I’ll

* If, however, he chooses to screw me over I will take great pleasure in hunting him down and carving is nuts off with a blunt and rusty spoon.

Filed Under: JMP, photography

Cybermummy – Round Up, Wind Down

June 28, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 9 Comments

Omg what a weekend. It started with a bunch of bloggers (@fenngirl, @LauraAWNTYM, @InsomniacMummy, @Bumblings) in Hyundai #CMCar6 rolling up on my drive at lunchtime on Friday. We hot-footed over to @Tara_Cain to pick her up, while on the way I learnt to drive an automatic 4×4 (who knew the breaks would react so quickly, huh? And apparently, you need to put the stick right into D to stop it making odd noises.) then head down to London. Made it in good time, up until we got to the hotel, then got lost. Yes, we got to the hotel first, and then we got lost. Stupid hotels with no frigging car-parking, dammit.

Anyway, I lugged my 2 boxes of dildos and goodies, suitcase, camera bag and box of Utterly Scrummy brownies to my room in what could only be described as the 5th floor of hell. Travelodge London City Road? Not pleasant. Average temperature of about 40C wherever you went. Sticky tables. Bedroom floors that smelled like…well, not fun times. Staff who were often painfully slow. But hey! It was a roof over my head. I headed straight out for a drink with Haz and Fuzz, two damn awesome ladies from The Land of Me (I need to get back to visit them, sharpish) and consumed wine, outside a bar, in the rain, sharing stories. Loved it. (Seriously miss you guys already.)

Saturday morning, I fell out of bed and grabbed my shit together. I knew it was going to be a mental day. Blogger Calendar, social networking, my Photography Workshop, generally taking photos, drinking, meeting Trevor (Oh. Em. Effing. Holy. Gee. *slurp*) and then decorating dildos.

And it WAS mental, but it WAS awesome. I mentally thanked my sponsor Love it, Love it, Love it and threw myself into the venue. Loads of people missed their Blogger Calendar slots but those that turned up had a laugh. I wish there was something we could have done for those who missed out, but HOLY HELL the admin involved was immense. It was a shame the conference was running late as I saw this was the problem for the first few groups. Will we do it again? Ask me in January. I snapped a few other photos, not many, as you know, I obviously wanted to enjoy the conference too.

Only…I very quickly realised I wasn’t there for the conference. As I drifted from from stand to stand, listened in on people’s discussions about the seminars, and watched as a mass exodus left the writing workshop (you may like to look at this…), I realised that I didn’t actually seem to fit in there. I realised I wasn’t out to “improve my blog” in any particular way; it’s not my niche. It’s not my “one and only”. I’m a photographer, and I just blog my shit here for me, not for the benefit of others. Sometimes I blog on my pro blog, but it’s subject specific and is more like a “what I did today” to keep clients up to date. The only stuff that will happen on this blog that really is for others is the upcoming photography tutorials, soon as I pull my finger out.

So I went to one session. I was there only to support my friends who were speaking. It felt right to be there. And I only left early just after they finished speaking because it was so cold, I couldn’t actually feel my right hand.

My own session? Well I have to be honest, I loved it. I never ever saw myself giving a photography workshop, but loved every minute of it. I had no notes planned at all. I knew if I was going to do it, I was going to have to rely on natural instinct. It’s how I take my own photos, so why wouldn’t it apply on instruction? Well I talked, about angles, and framing, and positions, and perspective, and concepts, and food, and portraits, and objects and LOADS of stuff. All in 55 minutes. They were up out of their chairs taking photos on everything from camera phones to fully fledged dSLRs. People their images and thoughts. I missed loads as others tweeted me directly, but I barely stopped to look at my phone.

Three UK hosted an after party (by the way – please PLEASE vote for my team’s app “” to win the Mums On Three competition? You can even laugh at my hideously cheesy video. I hate begging for voting stuff so it’s most likely this will be the only time I’ll ask) and there was wine. LOTS of wine. I didn’t actually drink much. Why? Because the gorgeous Sandra from Thinking Slimmer managed to sneak Trevor in through the doors for 20 minutes.

YES.

THE TREVOR.

*dies*

Holy mother-humping hotness. That. Is. All.

…nope. That’s it, no more words on that. *cough*

Saturday night was what could only be described undoubtedly the best party I have EVER hosted. 28 women, crammed into a tiny but GORGEOUS conference room in the Travelodge, with nearly 40 dildos, goody bags, lube, crafting stuffs, snacks, alcohol, chips and a LOT of cackling. I swear, I actually felt sick from the laughter. And I tell you what, considering Eden Fantasys are in the US, they absolutely shat upon all responses (or lack thereof) from UK sex ty companies. If/when I have another party, Eden Fantasys would be at the top of my list before I approached anyone else. Fact.

I’m gutted I barely had 30 seconds to take any photos, but I’m hoping attendees will join the (by invitation only, for OBVIOUS reasons! Further people may be added once the group is established – I refuse to expose anyone who doesn’t wish to be exposed…) and upload their photos. Or just mail them to me and I’ll post them. In any case, the photos I’ve seen so far have been HILARIOUS. I’m willing to bet the Instagram team were wondering WTF for much of Saturday night.

Sunday – roll into Starbucks just a few doors down from the hotel, receive “The Big Penis Book” gift from , load the car with remaining dildos, craft stuff, cake and swag, and cruise at a steady ~~100mph~~ 70mph home. Did I enjoy the weekend? HELL YES. Did I enjoy Cybermummy? Kind of. Did I get anything out of it? Not really, I don’t think I’m the right person for it, and suspect others would get much more than me. Would I go again? I don’t know. I’d love to do another workshop; hell I’ll do a workshop anywhere anyone will have me if I can help.

I haven’t posted any photos because I’m swamped with work. I have about a thousand people to thank. I have a shit load of other things I could write about the weekend. No bad points (well, one minor one where someone was rude and pissed me off, but I’ve since decided that clearly my efforts to be polite and friendly are best directed elsewhere) and loads of epic moments. That’s what mattered. I had a laugh. And maybe I have a bit to think about.

Filed Under: Cybermummy11, Eden Fantasys, photography

Silent Sunday

June 26, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 41 Comments

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
What is Silent Sunday?

Filed Under: Silent Sunday

Check-In

June 23, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 4 Comments

I’ve not been here much lately because I have been BUSY innit. So I’m just leaving a mental note here of all the stuff going on.

First of all, for the first time in maybe 10+ years, my weight is LOWER than it was pre-pregnancy. I woke up this morning 1lb less than my pre-preg weight. OMG, THINKING SLIMMER. That is all.

Next up, the Blogger Calendar categories with Tara and Snapfish have been announced. I actually have a HEADACHE from trying to keep up with the shit load of tweets on twitter. Holy crap I can’t believe how excited they all are! Tis awesome. Sorry to the peeps who missed out, but there may be opportunities for other stuff next year. Photos taken over the weekend, then I edit the crap out of them for about 4 months. Nice and easy. Hah.

Also, buh-limey, I’ve been busting my ass on my pro site. It’s had a COMPLETE overhaul, and it’s not done yet. I’m trying so hard to throw myself into the wedding market, and I’ll be honest, it’s a struggle. Or (most likely) I’m just very impatient. I know I’ve barely finished my first year with 9 weddings under my belt, but even so I wants MORE. So I’m quietly slogging away. 2am has become a good friend of mine. I bloody hate it. But at the same time, I love it. It’s oddly satisfying, eh?

Curiously, I’ve been burying my head in the sand wondering just how much I can actually teach people without talking a load of crap. I have a (my first EVER) photography workshop at Cybermummy. I’m obviously excited to be doing it, and hope to help out loads of people with their photography. However, I just hope people actually understand what I’m trying to convey. I’m also hoping I don’t say fuck, shit, cock, what the fuck, bastard, wank and variations on the themes. The very lovely of will be live blogging my workshop, so I guess she’s the one to lurk near on twitter on the day.

On the list is a thank you to my sponsor Love it, Love it, Love it enough for helping me get to Cybermummy. I’ve got outgoings left right and centre at the mo, and the financial situation for me personally is really shitty. So Ruth? I bloody love you lady. Thank you.

Then, of course, there’s the biggie (for me). My Dildo Decorating Party on Saturday night, courtesy of Eden Fantasys. Admittedly I’m terrified as I’m a very rubbish host. I am fast starting to understand why The Bloggess stays in the toilets whenever she hosts a party, it makes perfect sense. I have two boxes of goodies for the party, with some daft games, prizes and other treats. I don’t want to give anything away just yet, so I reckon I’ll do all the writing malarky after the weekend, you know, when I’ve stopped drinking. Dildo Bob is primed and ready to go. In fact, I suspect he’s very excited about seeing new family members being born. Must remember to prod him to keep tweeting from , too.

If you’re expecting a Silent Sunday linky bright and early on Sunday, you can piss right off. That won’t show up until lunchtime. Maybe.

I am exhausted. But I think, I think, I am ok.

Filed Under: actual happy times, AWESOMENESS, blogger, Blogging, COCK., Cybermummy11, decorating, Dildo Bob, Eden Fantasys, JMP, Love It Love It Love It, mocha beanie mummy, photography, photos, pimping myself rotten, PR, Silent Sunday, , weight

Because You’re Supposed To Adore Your Kid From Day One, Right?

June 21, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 19 Comments

I never had it. I never had that moment of clarity when I looked at my boy and said “He is my son and I love him more than anything else in this world right now”. Sure I love him. Of course I do, he’s my son.

But do you know how alien those words sound to me, even now?

It’s weird, because I feel like a bit of a mom fraud. Like, I shouldn’t really have him belong to me, because I don’t feel like I “own” him. I’ve never felt it. It always feels like there’s been a weird distance. Having had depression and then PND when he was born didn’t help matters. Bonding with him felt near on impossible and instead I was full of resentment, sometimes hatred. If I’m honest, a hatred of both of us.

And of course, then came the guilt. Ahhhh the guilt. Every mom’s favourite emotion, eh? I suspect most moms know it well, some know it all too well. Guilty for feeling the way I did (I didn’t want to hate him or I, I didn’t want to resent either of us, and yet it still happened – I couldn’t even control my own emotions? GEEZE), guilty for not making the absolute biggest effort I could to bond with him… guilty for being a shit mom.

Was I a shit mom? I think so. I think I still am. I just found out I missed his first sports day. Now, granted he’s only 3 and is unlikely to remember the event in years to come, I know for a fact it will come back and haunt me. I still resent my own parents for when they missed my events; probably unfair resentment, who knows – I’m not inclined to go digging for info.But I’m well aware of how I feel about it, and can’t face the thought of Noah going through similar to myself.

He’s such an awesome boy. What’s not to like? His manners are to near perfection. He looks after his younger brother with no prompting from us. His laugh can have us ALL in stitches. He’s a crazy kiddo, like me. His levels of intelligence and determination blow us away, every single day. (Even today at tea time he was telling me about the wood chipper truck we saw three weeks ago, reminding if the details of the machine {size and shape}, where we saw it and what it does. And then went on to tell me who drives which emergency services vehicles and where they might drive those vehicles too. All in VERY vivid detail and with great clarity). He’s insanely gorgeous. And that’s not even “proud mom” talking. I truly believe he is an insanely good-looking kiddo. Even with the slightly crusty nose.

Go on. Tell me what I already know. “You just have to let it go, Jay! You just have to embrace him and know that he’s yours!” Like I hadn’t thought of that already. Like it’s one thing I haven’t been trying to do since the day he was born. Like I haven’t had that internal, maternal battle about it from the very day we got home from hospital and “real life with a baby” began.

I don’t feel guilty for sharing this, oddly enough. I don’t feel bad knowing that one day, Noah might read this. Because I hope that in every possible way I can, physically and mentally, I can make up for failing him so badly. I hope that he will always know that every single day that passes by, whether I feel “the bond” or not, I have still busted my backside for him, as a parent, because I give a damn about him. That even when I have had my epic screw-ups, and have let either he or I (or both of us down) really badly, he’ll still be able to forgive me and know that I was trying. I was always, always trying.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get that feeling of closeness. Does it just happen? I keep thinking “this is it, I feel it coming today, today is the day….I’ll finally feel like a mom”. I long and hope for the day when I can look in his eyes and say, with meaning, “Yes, you are mine”. And yet, I’m still wondering. Waiting. Hoping, I guess. Maybe I wonder if it would hurt too much if I got too close? Like everything else that goes on in my life, the same thing – subconsciously – is being applied to my children?

I do hope not. Because he’s kind of a crazy kid, full of ideas and adventures. Full of long stories and detailed info. Full of laughs which don’t just trickle out, but erupt from the pit of his belly. And all of this means I can totally relate to him, oddly enough. Maybe that’s what is keeping us close for now. I reckon I’ll hang on to that for a bit longer then.