DILDOS. That is all. (Guest Post from @PippaD )

…this post needs no further intro from me.

Hello Everyone! This is Pippa from AMR, you of course know me as being the Mummy Blogger who has lots of Family Fun. Sex is one Fun activity that isn’t really mentioned over there and so I asked the lovely Jay (seeing as it is her fault I wanted to write this post) to host it. Oh and the reason I don’t/won’t talk about Sex and a bit of self love over at AMR is because my daughters headmaster reads my blog, as does my bishop, the woman who lives next door and quite frankly because I don’t want odd looks from you all. Or worse, admiring looks at my husband!

After CyberMummy the sexiness that is Jay organised a Dildo Decorating party with a lot of thanks to Eden Fantasys. They sent over huge boxes of all sorts of types of sex toy. There were butt plugs, dildos, vibrators and heaven knows what else. Those in attendance of course dived straight in and started to decorate various dildos and butt plugs to become friends for Dildo Bob.

(Clickit to Biggit)

I helped to create Sid Punk, who would like to be known as S.Punk…

There are a few things you should know about a group of women decorating dildos, they make a lot of noise, they say filthy things that you wouldn’t ever read on a gardening website, nobody can eat a sausage without it looking like they are practising fellatio and the hotel staff can’t get away quickly enough once they have delivered bowls of chips to a room filled with dildos of all sizes and squealing women. I commented when tossed a rather large dildo (that I caught one handed) that I am rather used to handling large cocks (No need to thank me husband dearest, you can make it up to me later) and as such thought that those who are less use to handling dildos, might like a bit of advice about how to choose something for themselves and possibly their partners.

First things first. There are differences between a vibrator and a dildo and not everyone knows the difference. A vibrator of course vibrates, and has a power source. It might be battery operated, or run on mains power but either way it will move! Now the reason for the movement is to stimulate the exterior of a woman’s sexual organs, eg the clitoris, vulva, vagina and anus and of course chaps can get in on the action by using a vibrator on the anus and penis. A vibrator isn’t really for penetration (although it can be), and nine times out of ten it doesn’t look like a penis, but is phallic shaped.

Right so now you know that what you get is for insertion there is a sensible question to be asked. How big do you want it to be? There are a couple of ways of working out what girth is best for you; You could measure your partner (there is a fun family activity in itself) or you could use your (or your partners) fingers. When you have worked out how many fingers is the right size that you enjoy then you just measure around them with a tape measure (or string and a ruler) and you will get the circumference. Now not all dildo’s will tell you the circumference, some might give you the diameter and unlike me you have probably forgotten the Maths lesson where we were taught how to work out the diameter from the circumference so just do this simple sum;

Circumference / Pi (3.14) = Diameter
C/π=D

Now you need to work out what sort of Dildo you are after, I won’t go in to all the in’s and out’s of the Dildo’s but just some generalisations…

• Anal Dildos. Make sure that they are flared at the end or you might end up at accident and emergency ward with several nurses and doctors grinning as they extract it, after your attempts have just driven it further in and possibly cause internal damage. These are generally best to be nonporous as you will need a fair bit of lube for insertion and you don’t want the Dildo to suck it all up. You might also find that it is best to have a beaded or bumped Dildo for anal stimulation.

• Celebrity Dildos. You might not know it but there is a huge growth in dildo’s that have been modelled (or moulded in some situations) on porn stars. In fact you can even buy fleshlights moulded and modelled on women porn stars.
• Double Ended Dildos. This can be one of a couple of things. It can be a two headed dildo which you and your partner use at the same time or it can be one which is flexible in such a way that you can use it to penetrate yourself both anally and vaginally at the same time.
• G-Spot Dildos. These are curved dildo’s which when inserted will rest upon the G-spot (or prostate for men) and with the right amount of pressure added will provide maximum stimulation.
• Realistic Dildos. Like the celebrity dildos, these are modelled on real men and as such will have little characteristics and quirks (bent slightly to one side, or slightly odd shaped etc) that can add something extra. You can even buy kits these days to mould on your own partner, just remember that they might ask you to do the same thing as they have kits for women too.
• Shaped Dildos. Not all dildos are penis shaped. You might find one the shape of a hand, or an animal or a food.
• Smooth Dildos. As there are no bumps and grooves there is little friction which means it can be inserted fast or gently, it’s up to you.
• Strap on Dildos. Well it is basically a dildo that is strapped on via a harness. Depending on the harness these can provide stimulation to the person wearing the harness and to the person the dildo is being inserted into.
• Suction Dildos. These can be placed on to a flat surface and then via a suction allow you to have hands free entertainment!
• Textured Dildos. Veined, bumpy or ribbed all these offer an extra stimulation when inserted; You just need to decide which sort you prefer.
• Vibrating Dildos. Yes I know I said that that Dildos don’t vibrate, but that isn’t strictly true. There are a number of Dildos which have a vibrating bullet that can be inserted into the dildo to provide a small amount of vibration. If you want something a bit more powerful look for a dildo that has a built in vibrator.

So there you go, a quick rundown on a few different types of Dildo, a few tips about what they are best for and of course how to make sure they are the right size for you… Happy shopping!

Dear PippaD, I LOVE YOU. Me. x

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