July 2012 Archives - mocha beanie mummy

But It’s Ok, Because It’s Sunny.

July 31, 2012 By mocha beanie mummy 2 Comments

Well, I’m pleased to report I made it nearly 3 weeks into the school holidays, before feeling the need to crawl under a duvet/sell The Smalls/emigrate on my own/yell until my head exploded. It’s been gloriously sunny, and they’ve been out and Done Stuff. We’ve not been too restricted, and they’ve spent time with Grandparents and at their school Fun Club (not new school, I should add, it’s still old school. That’s a whole other post. *rolls eyes*).

Yet I don’t know what the hell is up with Noah, but his ability to not hear a word I’m saying, combined with being purposefully disobedient is breaking me down. Combined with the inability for them to be quiet when they awake in the mornings when their GroClock “wakes up”, is nearly killing me.

I whined before about how the fuck was I going to fit in work with childcare with keeping them busy with time to myself with not dying. Turns out, it’s perfectly possible, but if you were looking to maintain your sanity at the same time, then you’ve got another thing coming.

Truth is, I can’t give them what they need. I don’t have the physical strength any more. I can’t give them patience; I don’t seem to have any left. I can’t give them love; my mind and body shut down and I can’t get out of myself. I can’t give them Fun Things To Do; they show no interest in any of it. I’ve just put them outside and am refusing to let them back in the house for at least 10 minutes. Noah has been restless and driving me nuts. Isaac was slumped in front of the tv. Again.

Wouldn’t you know it, less than 10 seconds outside (on the ginormous trampoline, no less) and one of them is already crying.

Is it a phase? A stage?

(By the way, in the short time it took me to type, they’ve both asked to come back in already. Wtf? You didn’t even WANT to be cooped up in the teeny tiny lounge.)

Is it another “Terrible Twos”, only it’s “Head Stabbing Threes” and “Please God Make It Stop Fours”? And am I to assume this bullshit will continue pretty much until I lose my marbles and have no recollection of anything going on around me? (I’m thinking maybe 96, possibly 97. 97 is a Good Age.) Unfortunately (I say, thinking back to a previous, recent post), it feels like an answer to not losing my sanity is to figure out how to be That Mom. Despite this, I found myself agreeing with the comments on the post.

Which, I’m pretty sure, puts a mahoosive spanner in the works.

Sometimes I wonder if I need my own Time Out. I try not to do it to them too much, as I’m not entirely sure it works anymore, or is even necessary for the times when they are driving me batshit. Hence, throwing them in the garden as a fairer alternative to this, at least they get to vent some of their energy, they have fun, and they can calm down.

But what happens when it stops being sunny?

Oh my god I’m laughing so fucking hard, because I swear to God as soon as I finished typing that sentence, it started raining.

Sooooo…I guess I’m about to find out the answer to my question, eh?

~~~

(Bubble Guppies was on. All was right with the world for 30 minutes.)

Filed Under: Isaac, Mental health, Noah, School

How To Be Put Off Having Any More Kids EVER.

July 30, 2012 By mocha beanie mummy 2 Comments

You know what hurts? Sciatica.

You know what really hurts? SPD.

You know what SPD is? Let me give you a quick description.

It’s when your crotch falls apart.

There are more detailed descriptions and “real life stories“on the internet, obviously, but seriously, SPD or Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, is pretty much your crotch saying “Hi there! You know how joints and stuff move around? Well I’d like to do that too please. In fact, I’m going to move the left side of your pelvis, but make the right side stay in exactly the same place. Which shouldn’t happen. Watch this! YOU’RE GONNA LOVE IT.”

Only, that’s bull shit. Because you’re NOT gonna love it. It’s fucking bull shit.

In fact, it’s not even fucking. Because sometimes even the pain of trying to straddle your own knickers is quite similar to being hit in the crotch.

I am speaking from experience.

So, fucking isn’t going to be high on the list of Things I Want To Do.

I think, I think I could cope with the pain of sciatica alone. I can tolerate wanting to let out a blood curdling, ear piercing scream every time I feel razor sharp pain shoot from near my armpits down to my toes, but not actually screaming. I could manage the days when I pretty much can’t feel my toes, or when I’ve got pins and needles from my toes right up to my knees. Sometimes, I could even laugh when I walk a few steps, and then my hip does something a bit weird and I know that if I take another step I’ll most likely be paralized for maybe 15 seconds (which is a reeeeeeally long time when Isaac has finished pooping on the potty and you really don’t want him to stand up and hoik up his pants just yet).

But combined with SPD, that sensation of repeatedly being hit in the crotch with something like, oh I dunno, I baseball bat, or that moment when you’re cycling away and suddenly break a little too hard and slide forward off your seat onto the bar…yeah that’s no fun.

Now, I have of course been to the doctor. I went shortly after both children, and after Isaac was born, I even had scans, additional physio and sessions with an osteopath. And in true form, I just know that if I go back to the doctor, they won’t detect anything because I will suddenly not be in any pain at all when I walk through the door, and as soon I leave, the pain will return with renewed strength.

LAW. OF. SOD.

Of course, I’m a stubborn ass anyway, so it’s most likely going to get to the point where I’m crawling around on all fours before I decide to seek help. What’s the point, anyway? Same thing as ever will happen. I’ll go to get help, they’ll either prescribe drugs I don’t want to take (alcohol is the way to go, not drugs). Or, they’ll put me on some tedious waiting list. The waiting list will be either for injections (DO NOT WANT), physio (will happen once a month, would need it every day), or an operation. On my back. Possibly on my discs. Uuuhhhhhhh nah you’re alright thanks. My walking may be restricted right now, but I sure as hell like the movement I currently have.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll stick my Heelys back on, and show people that we should be born with wheels on our feet, because then we could just move, without actually having to do anything. I think it’s easy to see the awesomeness in that plan, totally. Way better than a wheelchair, I’m sure of it.

Or, maybe I’ll just stick this shit out and see how things are in a month or two. What do we want? Procrastination!!! When do we want it? Yeah I’ll come back to you later on that, I think…

Filed Under: procrastination, Sciatica, SPD

Silent Sunday

July 29, 2012 By mocha beanie mummy 2 Comments

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
What is Silent Sunday?

Filed Under: Silent Sunday

Summer Holidays

July 25, 2012 By mocha beanie mummy 7 Comments

The sun is shining, and it’s school holidays, so obviously I’m trying to keep my clutches on this sane state I’m in. Since I’ve actually made an effort to DO STUFF with The Smalls, I thought I would be wise to make notes of what I’ve been doing. For future reference.

But since I hate my writing at the moment, I thought I’d do it in photos.

Now, uh, I just need to remember to take photos.

Just as well I took this one, then.