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“The Land of Me” Review (Vlog, featuring The Smalls)

February 24, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 10 Comments

I’ve been reluctant to do reviews lately; PR companies are still getting in touch, but I’m going with “if it doesn’t interest/apply to me or The Smalls, or prove you haven’t read my blog by starting your email with ‘Dear Mocah Bean Mommy’ then you can bet I’m going to say no.”

Out of the blue, the very lovely Harry Jones got in touch with an email that started off “Hi Jay, I love your blog! I have been reading lots of parenting/kids blogs recently and found yours one of the most honest and humorous out there. Watching you, Noah and Isaac reviewing the Zingzilla’s album was hilarious!” Well, I couldn’t say no, could I?

Harry was offering the opportunity to review something called “The Land of Me”, an interactive, digital story book which you play with kids from 2 years old on a mac or PC. On downloading it to my MacBook Pro, my first reaction? Absolutely BRILLIANT. Remember those books you had as a kid where you could literally create your own story by choosing options as you went along? Well this is very much like that. Only a million times better and suitable for tiddlers up to as old as you dare push it. Literally like stepping in to a whole new world where the child has control, there’s so much interactive fun to be had.

One thing that struck me straight away was how this was helping Noah’s speech improve, and how (since doing the vlog) he was starting to recognise more words. Anything that can do that is a WIN in my book. Geeze, I could rave on about this for MONTHS.

But instead? Best just watch the vlog.

Interested? (You SHOULD be…) Here’s the info:

It is an interactive, digital story book which you play with young children on a mac or PC. It inspires creativity, conversation, fun and learning. There are six chapters to go adventuring in, covering subjects like Shape, Size and Colour, Rhythm & Dance and Story Time.

You can also discover over 100 free printable activities like masks to make, puzzles to complete and games to play. Unlike any other computer game for children, The Land of Me combines traditional illustration and animation with cutting edge technology to bring you an interactive, captivating learning experience that’s a lot of fun too!

The best thing to do is to check out the video on our homepage and just click ‘watch video’. The first chapter is free to download from our website. We also publish activity books and sell all 6 chapters as a DVD Rom for £29.95.

**This product was sent to me for free on the proviso it was to be reviewed and shown on this blog. And I’m glad I did, because me and The Smalls think it’s awesome.

Filed Under: Isaac, Noah, parenting, Reviewing and reviews and stuff, Speech, vlog Tagged With: Children, Educational, Interactive, Review, Stories, Story Book, The Land of Me

The Night Before The End.

February 19, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 32 Comments

I am so sad.

I am sat in front of my iMac. It’s the night before my final performance of my music career as I know it. And my heart hurts.

So much.

I want to cry. But I don’t want to.

I want to be happy. But I don’t know how.

It’s time to move on.

I know this hurts so much right now because all the pain of the last 26 years is sitting on my shoulders like the heaviest weight I have ever dealt with.

More than my depression? I do not know. I cannot decide that. I won’t know until tomorrow, roughly around 6pm. When it is done.

When it is all over.

My musical spirit has been destroyed so many times over the many years. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough for the musical industry? I don’t know. Was I too naive? Was I gullible? Was I foolish? Was I simply stupid to put my trust in people I thought supported me? Should I have known better? Should I have seen it coming? Should I have had one eye on the music, whilst glancing over my shoulder?

…should I have fought back when they beat me down?

…

I don’t know what to write. And yet, inside me the words want to pour out. I feel so broken, so destroyed. The one thing that remained passionate in my heart for so many years…too many years? It’s the one thing that is breaking me. I should have let go, so many years ago. When I had to turn down my place at music college because I couldn’t afford it, I should have quit. When conductors put their favourite students ahead of me for performances and concerts because their parents requested it, I should have given up. When I couldn’t afford that cello which was as good as all the other kids, I should have just stopped it all.

But I kept fighting.

I fought so hard.

And I kept smiling. Smiling through the tears pretending it was all ok. It thought it was all ok. I didn’t mind, I just wanted to play. I learned to take a step back and give others the opportunities I thought they deserved. And that was ok. I thought my time would come. I waited.

I waited for such a long time.

And in that time, I hurt more and more.

While I sat quietly, letting people bully me, push me around, doing whatever they wanted just in the hope that they would let me stay part of the group…

I took more than I should have done. I hate myself for that. And now here come the tears. The long awaited tears.

It won’t be the last of them, I know that. I know there’s so much more to come out. So much hurt I held back for fear of upsetting others. So I kept smiling. Right up until the last minute.

So I sit here and cry as I write these words. Tears of every kind of emotion you can think of. Tears for something even I don’t understand.

It’s not like I don’t have anything to go on to – my photography has been but surely. I am so new to it and yet it feels surprisingly natural, it feels like I should have done it a long time ago. Perhaps I should have done? Who knows. I don’t know. I am impatient, but so much is happening. It’s good; it’s wonderful. I hope it is enough to fill the impending hole.

Actually…no. This is right. This is how it should be.

This is the right way to go.

Doors are open now, other doors closed in my face. I have to turn my back on those. And it hurts, so very, very bad, but it’s ok. It’s time to move on.

I don’t know if I will survive tomorrow. I spoke to my beloved hypnotherapist today, Ian; he has no idea how much he helped me cope with playing my cello when so many people took advantage of me, I hit ultimate rock bottom. He’s reminded me of the tools I need to get through tomorrow. And that’s part of all I need. Those tools he gave me, the love and support from the people I trust, and the knowledge, the complete knowledge of knowing that I did the absolute best I could.

The orchestra I am playing with…who are sending me on my way in the best way ever…they will never understand. They will never know how much it meant to me that they were the ones who inspired me to keep going. I never wanted to play with an orchestra as much as I did this one. They are so lovely, so understanding, so accepting…which makes it the right time. Which makes all of this ok. They tell me they don’t want me to go…they tell me the door is always open.

Which leaves me thinking, “Yes. This is my time. I can surely begin to let it go now.”

I can hold my head up and smile. I did an awful lot of smiling with BCO. I seem to be pretty good at that. I think that has to count for something.

At least…at least they helped me remember the times when I could smile with my cello. I will never forget that.

Biggest thanks in the world to principal violinist and and orchestra leader Vee, for having a play with my camera and capturing these images of me at Birmingham Town Hall, Sunday 13th Feb, 2011. Photo BCO THSH (1) (the double bass on it’s side) was taken by myself. Please ask permission before using any of these images, which are copyright Jay Mountford Photography.

Filed Under: actual happy times, Depression, Musician, Ultimate Stresssss

Dear So and So…So Happy and Yet So Sad Edition

February 18, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 42 Comments

Dear Music Career

This Sunday, you will be over. We will be through. I will put down my cello/s for a very long time. And it’s ok. We’ve had our ups and downs, we’ve had our love/hate relationship, you’ve taught me a SHIT LOAD about myself. You’ve been amazing. WE have been amazing. I have a rehearsal tonight, all day tomorrow and all day Sunday, with the concert in the afternoon. I’m excited about that, and yet so incredibly sad. My heart and stomach is in knots. I hoped I had kind of made myself a bit numb. I don’t think it’s possible; there’s too much on this now. I have to hold it together and get through this weekend. All those times as a kid when I’d just started playing and I wanted to give up… I never once saw myself, 26 years down the line, doing the the things I’ve done, seeing the things I’ve seen, meeting the people I’ve met. I know I keep saying it, but one day I’ll put it all out there. Tell the world why I have to, want to let you go. Or maybe I’ll just bury it all and hope it never rises to the surface again. I know one thing is for certain – it is time to put you to rest. I am so ready for this to be over now.

So very ready.

Yours, with 7 beautiful cellos, musical battle wounds, a head full of musical knowledge, a soul full hurt and her heart on her sleeve, Jay. x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Silent Sunday Supporters/Posters/Viewers

As a result of events this weekend, I don’t think I’m going to have the strength to run Silent Sunday this week. After the (unfair?!?) stress everyone laid on me while I was trying to enjoy a MAJOR concert last week, I can just do without it this weekend. I have things to focus on, and nothing, nothing is going to spoil it. I know many (most? all? some?) of you won’t understand the significance of this weekend to me. But it’s a huge deal. So I’d ask that you just show a little respect and give me a break. I will do a Silent Sunday post, but just for one week there will be no linky. Please, do a Silent Sunday post too; if you tweet it to me, I will visit your blog as soon as I can, and I will RT if I have a spare 30 seconds. But please remember, I’ll be busy grieving. What would be appreciated more than anything, is your support.

Yours, doing the best I can and looking after myself this week, MBM x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Filed Under: Musician, Silent Sunday

Extreme Makeover – Dildo Bob Edition

February 14, 2011 By mocha beanie mummy 20 Comments

Dildo Bob has seen better days since his creation in NYC. Quite recently, he’s spent most of his time shoved in the kitchen bread-bin, with thumb tacks for eyes and only one pompom hand. And his front fur falling off. I blame D, I think he gets a bit ashamed when his parents visit.

So we had a bit of a makeover sesh’ a few days ago. I was going to go into detail, but Dildo Bob seems to be seeing his rise to fame and demanded I did it all in photos of him.

*sheesh*

Despite his popularity, he’s still a bit of an enigma.

I’d appreciate it if no one mentioned this to Dildo Bob.

“Er – say what? Me? Enigma?”

“I’m sorry, but, WTF? Have you SEEN the state of me? THAT’S the enigma, right there.”

“I mean, just look at me for crying out loud! I have THUMB TACKS for EYES and a MOUTH.”

“LOOK!!! I’m a frigging MESS. I throw my stump and pompom up in disgust at YOU. I have spent the last 3 or 4 weeks shoved in your BREAD BIN. And no, that is NOT a damn euphemism, much as you would like it to be. You need to sort this mess out NOW lady.”

“…omg…”

“OH. EM. GEE. I love you. I actually love you. This is for me, yes? With 50% off and everything? We need to seriously thank your mom for this. Um…she knows you’re going to use this stuff on me, right?”

(Yes Dildo Bob, she was fully aware that my children would come second to a dildo in being allowed to use crafting goodies.)

“Ok, I’mma play in the empty tub while you decide what you’re going to use to make me handsome and stunning, yes?”

Then for about an hour, I fought with string, glitter confetti, glue and all manner of other crafty crap. I could only share my frustration with twitter.