mocha beanie mummy

Everyone’s harping on about blogs at the minute. I mean, geeze you can’t go through 5 minutes of Twitter or Farcebook or Google+ (yes, I use G+, stop yer bloody bitching) without seeing “READ MY POST! NEW POST! ZOMG YOU HAVE TO READ MY POST!” And even worse, there’s more and more of that same old “if you want to blog, you should do it like this” bullshit.

And it IS bullshit.

And what’s even FUNNIER, are the “I’m not going to tell you how to run your blog, it’s all about you, but if you want to be you, you should do it like this” posts. Omfg they make me want to claw my eyes out. And the reason they make me want to claw my eyes out, is because for people like myself who are in an eternal search to Find Out Who I Am, is it goes completely against the grain.

Against MY grain.

Strangely, I’ve had a few members of the blogging community write posts about me and my *ahem* ”style” over the years, slating who I am and what I do. These days, I don’t give so much of a shit what people think. But back then I was pissed off. Who the fuck were they to tell me who I should be and what I should do? For the most part, I raged quietly (and I confess I’m STILL RAGING over one of the posts, despite the fact that it was SO LONG AGO). but the thing is, these people who have nominated themselves as Hitler and feel the need to dictate how or who others should be – what the fuck? What the actual fuck? I wonder if they have any clue whatsoever about the very concept that the whole world is made up of an interesting mix of people? Some are blander than paint drying. Others are so colourful there isn’t a strong enough pair of sunglasses in the world to protect your eyeballs.

And then there’s the whole “tone it down because LORD KNOWS what will happen should anyone in The Professional World find out what you do Behind The Scenes; NEVER LET YOUR WORLDS COLLIDE!!!!!!!!11!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!1!11!1!1!!!!”

Seriously, there isn’t an episode of Jeremy Kyle which could match some of this drama.

I discovered I’d lost my mojo, as a result of listening far too much to other people’s bullshit. And it really was bullshit, in it’s finest form.

And I’ve realised that recently, especially since I’ve been on this bloody journey of trying to find out Who I Am in the photography industry. The whole epic crap of “you can’t say this” and “your ass will explode if you say that” and OMFG JUST SHUT UP AND PISS OFF.

It’s my own damn fault. I don’t write to be a sensationalist. I don’t write for drama. I don’t write for stats (and I swear to god if people ask me about my Silent Sunday stats I will hunt them down and shoot them because not only do I not know, I also do not give a shit). But anyway, I still feared what others were saying. Who cares? Why should I care? Fact is, not everyone will like me (I’m always amazed ANYONE likes me to be honest), and there’s no way I’ll please everyone. I don’t WANT to please everyone. And on discovering this in photography over the last few months, I clapped my hand to my head (quite literally) when I realised the very same thing over here. Today. This afternoon.

I’m not saying I’ll be back in full force, or some crap like that. However, I know I’ll hopefully stop second-guessing myself like I have been doing. It sucks, I hate doing it, and I don’t want to do it any more. As I used to say when I first started spewing out the shit inside my head, this is my space, and no, I don’t care if you don’t like it.

Go read some other tardy crap on the internets. There’s plenty of it out there for you, if that’s what floats your boat.