Dear Tooth
Thank you for chipping yourself 8 years ago, enduring a root canal and king-size (bloody expensive) filling, still being crap and now getting an abscess. Also thank you for putting me on antibiotics, something we BOTH know I can’t be arsed with.
You’re ass is gonna get hauled next week. I can’t decide if I will miss you or not.
Yours for a limited time only,
Gap-Tooth
~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
Dear Oven
You think you’re so funny don’t you? Tripping the power to all the downstairs electrics repeatedly while I’m trying to work? And I love how, I call the lovely electrician man, he “fixes” you within 24 hours, all seems fine…and then you play up AGAIN, while I am in the MIDDLE OF COOKING DINNER.
Ok so it was only oven chips, but that’s not the damn point. Right now, you kinda suck. Please decide if you are going to work or not, because D and I are going to have a LOT of money prized from our fingers this month. And we need to know if we have to kick you to the curb.
Yours, slightly hungry,
Jay
~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
Dear Tumble Drier
I don’t know what kind of conspiracies you have going on with the Oven, but right now you suck too. Is there any reason you feel you must knacker your door, resulting in a lot of masking tape being the only way to keep you shut? It’s dull. REALLY dull. And I swear to God, if you also decide to take it a step further, then like the Oven, you will be kicked to the curb.
Yours, slightly damp but definitely not moist,
Jay
~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
Dear iMac
You recently underwent major surgery, and BOY is it good to have you home. Unfortunately, I have since discovered you appear to have a dead pixel or 3. This does not make me happy. Is this the beginning of the end? Is it because the new iMac 2011 just came out, and now you’re feeling all threatened by how bloody beautiful it is? I mean, it is beautiful, but so are you, you know? Don’t put yourself down. Keep your chin up. You’re doing a GRAND job. And for the love of god, please don’t be borked now.
Yours ever so lovingly,
One careful owner
~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
Dear National Lottery
A Euromillions win would be really nice right now, eh? Not the whole jackpot, mind, but you know, just enough to pay off all the shit? Or maybe even just enough to sort out this tooth? Because not only will it hurt my mouth, it’s going to hurt my pocket, too.
Go on, just for me. I even bought a ticket, so I’m not being completely lazy, you know?
Yours, skint,
Gappy
~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~
Dear People Who May Or May Not Still Be Reading This
It’s been a quiet week, eh? Yeah…hmm…
Go write some letters then, and link up with Miss Kat.
Sounds like on of THOSE weeks, I hope the one causing the most (probably the tooth?!), gets sorted straight off and that's it done. As for the others… bastard appliances, My fire, fridge, freezer & tumble drier and went within three months las year. THAT was expensive.
Great letters as always
rofl… you're so funny, I love reading your posts.
Sorry to hear it's been such a shitty week though.
I'm sure they put a self-destruct timer chip in all household machines which links somehow to all other appliances in the vicinity. They never seem to go wrong on their own. Sorry yours are sensitive to teeth as well! Hopefully the link is now broken and things will get better next week.
I'm not sure what to say; I'm still haunted that I once laughed at a girl telling a story of woe in a really funny way and, because she hated me, she yelled at me for laughing at her misfortune.
So – my sincere condolences for the technological and dontical disasters and my applause for kicking their asses with public humiliation. They only got what they deserved.
(PS, I made dontical up, but I think I got away with it.)
Am loling at that post!
hi mocha beanie, glad i visit this blog..brightens my day. also having fun with all the comments you get here.. lol
its ok, they dont kick back , else……
congrats for being featured at bloggers.
congrats too for being able to comminicate so well with every dumb things around you
PMSL! I laughed too much at this post – sorry!
I thought it was only me who talked to inaminate objects and waited for a reply