Unless it’s dildos, bacon or free money, I guess I’m not interested. Sorry.

NOOOOOOOOOO. No more reviews.

NO MORE.

I do not have babies, I am not pregnant, I do not live in London, I am most likely NOT available on 1 day’s notice, I do not want my kids addicted to iPad/iPhone games, I am not breastfeeding, the only competition I ever ran was for a dildo freebie, we have enough toilet roll, campaigns make me uncomfortable, I am not a newspaper, I am not a magazine, I don’t know what the fuck I am supposed to do with a press release, and more than anything, TOO MANY PR COMPANIES CHOSE TO IGNORE MY SIMPLE REQUESTS LISTED BELOW:

I will only review products that are appropriate and relevant to me and my family.
All views stated are my own, and I will not be influenced. Unless you are offering £6m and a new house.
It is more than likely that I will express my opinion, good OR bad, on my blog AND on twitter. BOTH are audiences.
I AM IN THE UK. I’m happy to review stuff for other countries. If you pay for me to live there.
If I have been sent something for free, I will say so, very clearly.
I am not keen on advertising. This blog is my personal space. Also, see #1.
I blog in my own time. If you send something to be reviewed, I will review it and post when I am ready. And after the product has survived the honeymoon period. IF it survives the honeymoon period.
I am not a magazine. Nor am I a journalist. Of course, if you’d read this blog then it would be glaringly obvious, no? If you email me press releases, you can expect a questionable email in return.

As if that wasn’t enough, none of you, NOT ONE OF YOU offered me £6m and/OR a new house (which I would promptly have used/sold to put my children through the school I wanted them to go to, and any spare change would have paid off any debts and hopefully bought some bacon). I also don’t appreciate being hassled to write a post, when I have STATED I WILL DO IT IN MY OWN TIME.

My blog is my blog. It’s not your advertising space. I know some might find it hard to believe, but I run my own business from my own home, as well as raising my two kiddos whilst The Mr busts his backside keeping a roof over our heads. So no, I don’t have all the time in the world for my personal posts, forget about your PR demands.

So if you’ll excuse me, whilst I avoid dealing with additional shitty stress via emails, I’mma put a cap on reviews ‘n’ shit, while I try to keep a grip on my sanity. And my blog.

Of course, you’re welcome to see some of the other reviews I did, which, apart from 3 fucking awesome reviews (Maclaren, Cbeebies and OBVIOUSLY the Land of Me) are quite dull. Because, surprise! Companies aren’t so keen when you write that you genuinely don’t like their stuff.

Who’d have thought.