Everyone has one. Even those who say they don’t have one, they sooooo have one, and the more they deny, the more likely it’s laminated and framed.
For those of you wondering what the fuck, I’m talking about, it’s something people (often couples) do, where you each get to pick five different celebrities that you can sleep with, and the other one can’t get mad. I originally discovered it on an episode of Friends. It changed my life.
Whilst I’m aware of D’s Top 5, and approve highly (the man has
excellent, excellent taste), it occurred to me I hadn’t sorted out my own. Whilst I’ve seen AWESOME Hot or Not contributions in the blogosphere (incidentally you have to click that link; it’s a wicked blog and that post is particularly tasty), and others have contributed to it, I began to realise I don’t have a Top 5.
W.T.F.
This is a crime in itself. I have a sort of top three-and-a-half, which obviously doesn’t quite cut it, and is quite poor in fact. So I sat and had a thought about who would be in my Top 5, in no particular order:
1. Gordon Ramsay, International Michelin Star Chef
Ok. I know. I know, I know. You’re all, “But he’s a fucking arrogant fucker! And his chin is dented! And swears way too fucking much! And did you see his chin!!! And the bastard cannot get over himself! And fuck me, THE CHIN!!”
I couldn’t give a monkey’s. He’s rugged. He’s sexy. He is HOT. And not just hot, but DIRTY hot. Like, “If you wear that short skirt to dinner, you will have a good time with me” kind of hot. “I will probably try to do obscene things and most likely stare at your boobs” kind of hot. And the arrogance to go with it.
Because let’s face it, he’s hardly going to leave you half satisfied, is he? No.
He’s going to make sure he does the job properly. And then will want to do it again, just to be sure.
And then, probably again, just to prove a point.
2. James Spader, American Actor
My first encounter with this fine piece of Man was when I happened to watch Secretary on tv. I wasn’t impacted by is looks, but quite like the fact that he was a bit of a slut.
And then…omg and then came Boston Legal which sparked another sordid affair with myself and a dirty slut of a bloke, Alan Shore, James’ character in the show.
Alan spends most of his time being the guy in an office who you try to avoid, because he’ll letch all over you in a heartbeat. And much like Mr Ramsay, take any opportunity to try and have his dirty wicked way with you.
This guy? Does the best. Smut. EVER. And quite frankly, I often can’t get enough smut; it’s just awesome.
You thought I was bad? What, with repeated cockotations on twitter, and my boobs out in the ethos?
No. Go have another look at “smut” in your dictionary. It says “Alan Shore” (some dictionary’s still say my name, but that’s ok). And smutty is good. I’d like to see how long it would take him to break me. As soon as he did, I’d return the favour. Heh.
3. “Noted Fashion Photographer” Nigel Barker (Also panel judge on America’s Next Top Model)
Quite possibly, one of the prettiest men I have EVER. SEEN. Like, this man should be put in a glass cabinet and
And there’s something about him. I totally imagine him to be a bit letchy, a bit dirty, a bit smutty (can you sense a theme here?). I’ve watched him on ANTM and seen him drool over some of the models…it’s totally inappropriate, but who the hell cares?
He is HOT.
Sorry, he is HAWT.
And that’s pretty much all there is that I need with him. I mean, sitting around making polite conversation will be the LAST thing on my mind.
Heh.
…
But here, we reach a problem. I only have 3, which doesn’t work for a Top 5, obviously. Clearly I’m all about the dirty dirtiness that is filth, with a dash shit load of smut. And I totally understand that my preferences are most definitely not palatable with others. And vice versa. But I’m open minded!!
So who’s on your list?
[...] enough, knows of my stalker addiction knicker wetting love of admiration of cookery skills for mild love of Gordon Ramsay. I absolutely LOVE this advert, I found it fucking hilarious. The Mr and I were all [...]