Dildo Bob has seen better days since his creation in NYC. Quite recently, he’s spent most of his time shoved in the kitchen bread-bin, with thumb tacks for eyes and only one pompom hand. And his front fur falling off. I blame D, I think he gets a bit ashamed when his parents visit.
So we had a bit of a makeover sesh’ a few days ago. I was going to go into detail, but Dildo Bob seems to be seeing his rise to fame and demanded I did it all in photos of him.
*sheesh*
Despite his popularity, he’s still a bit of an enigma.
I’d appreciate it if no one mentioned this to Dildo Bob.
“Er – say what? Me? Enigma?”
“I’m sorry, but, WTF? Have you SEEN the state of me? THAT’S the enigma, right there.”
“I mean, just look at me for crying out loud! I have THUMB TACKS for EYES and a MOUTH.”
“LOOK!!! I’m a frigging MESS. I throw my stump and pompom up in disgust at YOU. I have spent the last 3 or 4 weeks shoved in your BREAD BIN. And no, that is NOT a damn euphemism, much as you would like it to be. You need to sort this mess out NOW lady.”
“…omg…”
“OH. EM. GEE. I love you. I actually love you. This is for me, yes? With 50% off and everything? We need to seriously thank your mom for this. Um…she knows you’re going to use this stuff on me, right?”
(Yes Dildo Bob, she was fully aware that my children would come second to a dildo in being allowed to use crafting goodies.)
“Ok, I’mma play in the empty tub while you decide what you’re going to use to make me handsome and stunning, yes?”
Then for about an hour, I fought with string, glitter confetti, glue and all manner of other crafty crap. I could only share my frustration with twitter.
Honestly. Go and try it.
Just sayin’.
Uhh…I got carried away. Maybe.
“Dudes. DUDES. I’mma work this shit, yo. Is this not the best dildo back you ever saw?”
“CHECK IT! I am rocking. Literally.”
(He does have a slight sway. He’s a bit, um, wobbly.)
“Did you SEE my colours? And my amended, tidied-up front-fluff?”
“THE FRONT FLUFF. And? Omg. I have EYES. Real ones. That wiggle around and stuff.”
“EYES. Did I mention my eyes? I HAS DEM.”
A lunchtime well spent.
“Yeah. *click* I got this.”
This is a wonderful post – Dildo Bob almost had me sobbing. It’s like when Plain Jane Superbrain had her makeover in Neighbours.
He has googly eyes *weeps with joy*
hahahaha brilliant.
I can't wait to meet Dildo Bob at Cybermummy.
He's definitely an enigma x
Dildo Bob will be at Cybermummy with, er, knobs on.
Looking good DB. Now all you need is a Lady Friend.
I really want to make one. But I really really DON'T want to. *mentally disturbing*
Looking gooooooooood!
And the eyes are rocking and rolling!
A little more than I would like. But yes! They do work ;o)
Awww, bless him. All he needs now is a Dildo Betsy. Surely someone needs to make one, there must be loads of crafty shizzle left, no? Then they could have Dildo Babies! You could even do a Blue Peter and make them a shoe box house with fairy bottle furniture.
Seriously need to go to Anne Summers…..
I love you and Dildo Bob. You made my lack of sleep worth it. Okay, maybe not, but close to worth it.
I am crying with laughing. CRYING. Dildo Bob is very much rocking my world.
Awww look at Dildo Bob, all puffed up and proud of his lovely tidied up front fluff. He is so rocking the new look. He now seriously needs a lady friend to admire his stunning good looks, so get on the case Mrs, to stare longingly into those gorgeous REAL baby blues…er…greens…
OMG what a great laugh!!! he RANTS. with arm and hand gestures. love it!
LOL amazing i heart dildo bob!!!!! xxx
I love you!
I'm so gutted my absence from Twitter missed out on all this Dildo Bob hilarity – my husband has just asked me what I'm guffawing at…hmmmm not sure I'll tell him as he wouldn't understand.
The photo of him kissing the craft bucket made me cry actual tears of laughter.
Genius.
wow.!!
so lovely DILDO..!!
i want it in my bedroom..!!
True story: I use stickpins to decorate my dildos. It's the only thing that works.
hehehe! Now I know what I can do with all my run down vibrators!
Really appreciable work!!
Just loved the makeover of the cute dildo!!
Thanks for sharing