You know how, at the start of every single school term, everyone becomes ill? Like, EVERYONE? Kids, parents, aunties, uncles, cats, dogs, fish, dildos – EVERYONE.
No one is safe.
Well obviously we’re ill again in this house of crap – Facial Orifice Fluid is RIFE.
Actually that’s not strictly true; it’s mostly me. I’m walking round the house with a shiny nose and a wad of soggy tissues in my pocket. You know when you’ve rubbed your nose so sore, it starts to feel like you’ve been blowing your nose with sandpaper? Well I’ve started rubbing some cream on it (my nose, not the tissues or sandpaper) in the hope that I can keep it soothed. Unfortunately, it means all around my nose is permanently shiny, thus looking like I smeared FOF all over my face. Nice.
Lemsick and Barfhams obviously suck – that shit has never worked. So I’ve been making shit loads of lemon and honey with large slugs of brandy, because it’s far healthier and much more, er, homeopathic.
In the meantime, if I breathe through my mouth in your general direction, take it as a compliment that I love you enough to share my FOF with you. After all, the boys passed this on to me, so I must obviously pass it on to someone else. Sharing is caring and all that shit.
*sniff*
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Just make sure to add enough brandy to that mix that I can get drunk off your breath. Since you're breathing your FOF all over me and all….
Kat – I wouldn't have it any other way. Half pint of brandy to half a shot of honey and lemon, right? Riiiiiight.
I am just getting over the eye watering, extreme tiredness and blocked nose and an into the hearty coughing and buckets of yuck, while V has the sore throat and starting symptoms.
Don't u just love the kids going back to school.
Oh god – I think I'm just hitting the eye-watering tiredness bit – kids should just stay at school. Permanently.
The end.
(And what is WITH the buckets of yuck? Why must we produce that gunk? GAHHH)
Oh dear. I hope you get well soon. But please don't direct your lurgy in my direction though as I'm only just beginning to recover from a cold that I've had for weeks now! Bleugh!!!