Just mere hours before Christmas (honestly, Santa on twitter keeps telling us how many hours to go. Not days, HOURS) I got a PR email with the above heading, minus the bit in brackets. After spending around 30 minutes snorting laughter with D over the 4 tips which were given (which I’m actually not going to list because I wouldn’t use any of them), I started to come up with my own.
1) USE THE INTERNET.
I’m pretty sure this is self explanatory in every way possible.
2) DRINK PLENTY.
See explanation to tip one.
Ummm…
Ok, should you really need to leave the house and you can’t find any old crap in your loft which you can recycle for gifts,
3) PACK A WEAPON
This can be a gun, super glue, boxing gloves – whatever you like, as long as it slows down the opposition, and ideally, makes them move the fuck out of the way
4) TAKE YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOU
This is an add-on to tip 4; the kids are more than just a weapon. They are everything. When they start crying and whining, people will move out of your way. When they’re falling asleep in the trolley, people will watch them for you (in adoration) while you run off around the store finishing your shopping. When there’s a queue for the toilet and there weeping out of desperation for needing a wee, that queue will suddenly shuffle you forwards. When you’ve hit the end of your tether and resort to sitting in the corner sipping from your hip flask, people will suddenly become very sympathetic and helpful (otherwise they’ll leave you the hell alone.)
I should switch to PR, I’ve totally got this down. That’s everything, right?
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Did you get the iParenting one? Can you flay that too? Please?
Gutted – I didn't get it! Maybe PR are getting wise to my competitive PR skillz, innit?
lol love it. Children are a great ploy in the shops. They can get into little spaces and grab the things you need. x