Fact is, I’m a rubbish parent. Or, The Smalls have absolutely no interest in my parenting skills AT ALL. That’s not to say that I don’t try, because I do try.
Sometimes.
Anyhow, both Smalls had some cookery utensil stuff for Christmas, really nice stuff, and uh, bought by me and The Mr (what were we thinking? He doesn’t bake {EVER} and I end up being really OCD. Good one.) thinking they could be encouraged in the kitchen. Obviously, Noah has been hounding my ass desperate to do some cooking since he found the boxes hidden behind the sofa. No amount of train track would distract the boy.
Dammit.
So we got home from school and started baking. Roughly 30 minutes before they were due to sit down for their tea. Because you know, I just love to make shit really easy, right? I ran backwards and forwards with the ingredients while they pretty much “got stuck in”.
I was obviously delighted when Isaac chose this moment to bring on his cold a step further, bringing Facial Orifice Fluid to the table. How I love that boy. Lovely.
Anyway, I took a step back and tried my damndest to not step in with the perfection, or the general spattering of muffin mix up the walls. Do you KNOW how frigging difficult that is? Yes I’m well aware I should have rolled up their sleeves and the rest of it, but that’s not the point.
Crap everywhere. But you know, they’re kids and they enjoyed themselves, right?
That’s the point, right? They got the mixture in the cases, and all was good. That was all that mattered.
Only, when I peeked in on the cakes to see how they were doing, I can’t say I didn’t feel a little violated. I’m glad The Smalls are too young to understand…well…I’m just glad they’re too young. Because when I saw THESE, I could do nothing but raise one hell of a fucking eyebrow.
I reeeeeeally want to declare them works of art. Instead, my brain could only think “Cock Cakes”. I just don’t even know. Twitter offered up all number of reasons for this occurrence. To be honest? I don’t care.
A miracle happened in our house. Cock Cakes. Some miracles just don’t need explaining.
Stumpy, Tubby and "The Horse"
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There is no explanation for that is there…. Other than perhaps it's YOUR oven. This cold only happen in your oven
Weirdly, I can't even argue with this…
MUST HAVE FOR EROTICON!
*Snort* I couldn't do them again if I tried.
Christ, I've spent half my life trying to make cock cakes and you manage it by accident!
You are class – did you manage to resist the temptation to ice them???
It's this special skill I have, I've been honing it for YEARS. I think it's known as "fluke"? I'm not sure…
(And no, I didn't ice them. I didn't think The Mr or The Smalls would approve somehow…)
Well, there's a saying in where i grew up, like, you made me laugh, may God make you happy all your life..
I seriously wish it for you. I could not stop my laughter in the middle of the whole office. I am thankful for having found your site.
Thank you!
Seriously
Hah! Thank you Nikita, glad to have made someone smile today, thank YOU for stopping by.
This is hilarious! But why did you try baking muffins with your little ones? Even I, as a grown-up, mess up the tray when I make muffins, it is really not easy to keep the dough from dripping all around the little holes. But I never managed to make something this weird!
)) I congratulate you on that! I think next time you should try making cookies, where the kids could roll the balls and then flatten them onto the tray. Lot less mess on the table, and you'll only have 6 messy, doughy hands to clean off. Hopefully. But I guess, with kids, everything produces the same amount of mess. These Cock Cakes will remain a mystery for all of us! 
O my life! I've jsut proper laughed out loud all over the office reading this!! Those cakes look amazing!! Fab!
Only you could make cock cakes! It's like an omen or something…either that or Dildo Bob snuck in when you weren't looking and cocked them up! Did they taste nice though?