This morning.
This isn’t another one of those “WAAHHHHHHHHH WHY CAN’T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT” posts (well, it is, but heavily disguised), but lately, I seriously question what the fuck I’m doing.
My job, as a photographer, is questioned every single day. Every. Single. Day. And not just once a day, but pretty much every time I inhale. And I breathe a lot, so you know, it kinda adds up. As soon as I declared myself a professional photographer, just over a year ago (that transition was scarier than giving birth), it became my dream. You know how everyone has a dream, right? Rock star? Astronaut? Gynaecologist? Mine was (is) to be a fully fledged professional wedding photographer. Shortly after 2nd shooting my first wedding back in 2010, I started dreaming about weddings. Like, full on, proper dreaming about them. Dreaming about landing the most amazing photos from weddings of all shapes and sizes.
So I decided to have a fucking good stab at living the dream.
And my god, it’s not easy. Of COURSE it’s not easy. I never said it would be. No one did.
But sometimes I wonder if I’m living the dream, but doing it all very wrong. I am a wedding photographer. I am. But am I actually now living in that dreamworld and not actually bringing it to reality? Am I missing some humongous trick to make it to reality? Why, just out of curiosity, does it feel like I’m living my dream, but…something just isn’t quite right?
I think maybe it feels like I’m deluding myself. Like, I am living the dream, but it’s not a dream that can successfully be brought into The Real World. I know in my dream that wedding photography is all glitz and glam, and in the real world, it’s ball aching slog making everything stay together without some questionable stitching (thus, not falling apart at the seams).
So is that the problem? Am I living the dream in a state of reality? Am I living the dream at all? Am I a teensy bit deluded?
Answers on a postcard.
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Perhaps you need to ask WHY? Why a wedding photographer. Is it because you want to capture memories for the couple to cherish forever? In which case ask yourself if your clients are happy with their finished album? If they are then you done good! If your interest is in producing perfect wedding images maybe you should consider working with stylists creating images for magazines etc… What I DO know is that you are a shit hot tog and if I ever get married you will be one of the first people I call
xx