Dear So and So…The 4 Year Old’s Birthday Edition

January 6, 2012 By 9 Comments

Dear Noah

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! Hope you have a WONDERFUL day and enjoy your Gruffalo cake, ok?

Love you more than I like to let on.

Mommy xxxxxx

PS I didn’t make the cake. Your mother isn’t that awesome I’m afraid. Sorry son. x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Funny Boy

Me: Ahhh Noah you’re such a big boy I can barely pick you up anymore!

N: Is that because I’m growing up to be big, Mommy?

Me: Yes. Growing up to be big and very strong!

N: So it’s not long and I can pick YOU up then Mommy!

Me: Strangely, Noah, I don’t doubt that for a second…

Yours,

The Shrinking One

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Appreciative Boy

You amaze me in that when I asked you what you wanted for your birthday, you didn’t say the numerous large toys you’d seen in Toys R Us humongous, including the ride-in Lightening McQueen car, or the freaking huge Lego City police station, or the massive pretend kitchen station for all your play food. Instead you asked for the teeny tiny shopping till to go with the play food you had for Christmas.

You amaze me in that when I asked you what you wanted for your birthday dinner, you said you wanted birthday cake for pudding, and maybe some toast or some porridge for your main course, rather than just asking for cake. Or McDonalds. Or more cake. And when I asked “are you sure?”, you changed your mind and asked for rice, pancetta, peas, sweetcorn, egg and prawns. Because you know Isaac likes it too.

You’re pretty cool like that, you know? Try not to change that too much, too soon.

Thankful, Mom xx

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Chatty Boy

I am so pleased you can speak. And not just speak words, but hold full on conversations with grown adults, and somehow stand your ground (I love seeing their faces when you blow them away by saying something they would expect from a 6 or 7 year old. Keep doing that, ok?) perfectly well. I love that you can almost perfectly articulate the whole story of The Gruffalo with very little help, and that you encourage your brother to join in.

Sometimes, just sometimes, Mommy would like more than 3 seconds to process everything you’ve just said, because sometimes it’s like riding with the Spanish Inquisition all packed up into one little person. Sometimes, just sometimes, give me maybe 10, maybe even 15 seconds at a time, because Mommy is getting older and slower while you are getting older and quicker.

Refusing to wear earplugs, Mom xx

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Big Small

I’m really glad you’re turning 4 and not turning 14 today, because frankly, I am not ready for the stream of girls to be knocking on my door. Please don’t break their hearts too much, I don’t want horny girls crying their eyes out on my doorstep, mkay?

For a four year old, you’re annoyingly good looking.

Stay cute.

Mommy xxxxx

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Caring Boy

I do hope your brother grows up to be as concerned and caring and aware as you when he turns 4. I don’t know how you do it, but it sure is something.

In awe, Your Mother x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Amazing Boy

Keep being amazing, ok? Keep on building your train tracks now you’ve learnt to do them. Keep asking if Isaac is ok and if there’s anything you can do for him. Keep cuddling your friends and asking them what’s wrong when you see them crying. Keep saying those lovely things and telling me that you miss and love your friends and family when you haven’t seen them in a while (even if it’s barely been a day). Keep going with your insatiable thirst for knowledge.

Please keep being amazing.

Love, the proudest mom you will ever meet. x

Noah's train track. Which he made.

Noah's train track. Which he made. By himself.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear readers

Go say hi to Miss Kat, because I’m sure it’s been a while since you were over there, yes?

Filed Under: actual happy times, birthday, Dear So and So, Noah

Dear So and So… #UKSnow #RockTheFrock Edition

December 16, 2011 By 1 Comment

Dear Powers That Be

I have a Rock The Frock session tomorrow down in Cornwall. On a beach. So, yes, that means I’m picking up my lovely friend and his camera, and we will be DRIVING to south Cornwall.

Now, I know it’s winter, I appreciate that. I also appreciate that, this time last year, you hit the UK with the largest amount of snow I have seen in years. And it was lovely! It really was. Very pretty. Etc.

But I need to DRIVE tomorrow. DRIVE. For 4 hours. I do not want to do it in the snow.

You get what I’m saying?

Not. In. The. Snow.

You can make it snow as MUCH as you like once I’m down there, but beforehand?

No.

Snow on the beach? Yes. Awesome.

Snow on the motorway? No. Suckage.

You get what I’m saying, right?

Yours, loving snow but not on the road, JMP.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear

If I go off into a crazy one and start speaking like I’m on speed, I’m really not on speed. I apologise in advance.

But hey! It’s going to be AWESOME.

Love, the girlie with the camera x

PS I hope you didn’t mind me offering you my pants, it just seemed right, you know?

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear

Oh dude. Road trip my friend, Road Trip.

Make sure you bring spare knickers.

Jay x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear people who I’m hoping will support me

You will cheer us on from the warmth of your sofas, right? Yes?

Please?

Jay who is nervous as hell and trying really hard not to show it. x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear DSS Readers

There’s a far better Dear So and So post over at the host’s place. Go check it.

Word.

Filed Under: actual happy times, AWESOMENESS, Dear So and So, Jay Mountford Photography, photography, pimping myself rotten

Dear So and So…Wicked Week Edition

November 25, 2011 By 3 Comments

NOTE – had a wanky week? Read this.

Dear Little Small

OMFG you know the phonic sounds for half the alphabet already? Please don’t be more intelligent than me (although not difficult) because I will never keep.

You should also remember you’re only 2 and a half, you have plenty of time. And please put that book down and stop looking like a smart ass.

Love, Your Mother (insanely proud and a little terrified.)

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Big Small

Knowing all your phonics sounds AND being able to read more than 10 words AND repeatedly being complimented on your school behaviour, is actually the bomb-diggedy. Given your speech stress we had, and the constant wonder in my mind if we would ever have a conversation with you, well, you’ve pretty much blown all that shit out of the water. In fact, we pretty much can’t get you to STFU and your questions…well. I don’t think I need to buy Isaac an encyclopaedia, because quite frankly, he’ll have you instead.

Love, Your Mother (insanely proud and planning to do more GCSE’s and A Levels.)

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Work*

ZOMG. Just as I’m on the verge of writing a really fucking whiny post about how life sucks and how I have no energy to do any more and how start-up business is quite possibly the one thing that will kill me, I get my wedding photography featured on TWO BLOGS in ONE DAY, get an order from a client which involves 130 prints (yes, from one client), plus asked by the school headmaster’s wife to photograph people for the school fayre and Santa’s Grotto, plus kicking SEO and Google Adwords in the BALLS (cahoonas, testicles, nuts, plums, crown jewels, happy-sacks, scrotes, two-veg, ,  , , , , , , , , , , … you see what we did there?), plus finally being set on all my logo designs, plus more client enquiries, plus omg I have done all of this from scratch with the help of some people whom I would sleep with in a heartbeat (and one of them I actually do sleep with)…

Yeah, you’re pretty sweet right now.

Bittersweet-exhausted love, Jay Mountford, Birmingham Wedding Photographer

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear The Mr

Happy 5 years of marriage. I fucking love you, I do. Maybe we will have sex tonight (or not, depending on how much champagne we get through during our fancy meal tonight. Drunken fumblings, I suspect. Our two gorgeous children pretty much exhaust me).

Much, MUCH love , The Mrs xxx

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Finances

C’mon people, c’mon…I just need you to place those big orders you’re talking about in the next week so I can afford to buy a Christmas card…c’mooonnnn….

Yours, truly skint, Jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Readers

FUCK YEAH.

* Yes I know it’s riddled with SEO. Fucking obvious, innit? Duh.

 

Filed Under: Dear So and So

Dear So and So…Wanky Week Edition

November 25, 2011 By 7 Comments

NOTE – had a wicked week? Read this.

Dear Little Small

We’re all pretty much done with your whining and shit now.

Make it stop.

That is not a request.

Love, Your Mother (who knows for how much longer)

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Big Small

As my mother used to say, “Yuh ears hole nuh bore?”

When we ask you to do something, it would be lovely if you did it first time, rather than ignoring us for the umpteenth time.

And then staring at us blankly. I vowed never to do the whole “am I speaking another language?!?” thing, and today you made me do it.

Not cool.

Love, Your Mother (plotting your eBay sale as we speak)

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Illness

What. The. Holy. Fuck.

Are you shitting me? Like, seriously? It’s time to move on. I don’t even know what you are, but seriously. Piss. The. Piss. Off.

I’m not even going to give you the joy of closure here. Just piss off.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear The Mr

I have absolutely no money, or strength, so I’m afraid our 5 year wedding anniversary today may be a tiny bit shit, whilst I try really hard not to complain.

The sex is going to be really dull, I’m afraid.

Love you though.

The Wife x

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Finances

You are actually making me cry. A lot. Please stop it.

Yours, truly skint, Jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Readers

Whatevs. Go find Miss Kat and read stuff. Meh.

Filed Under: Dear So and So, Uncategorized

Dear So and So…Mail Fail Whale Wail

October 28, 2011 By 5 Comments

Dear PR

Oscar. Mike. Golf.

Must we do this? Must we continually play these games? Must I deal with emails that read as follows:

“I came across [blog name] and saw that you frequently feature giveaways for your readers.”

Uh…really? “[blog name]“? Did you forget? “Frequently feature giveaways”? Um, no. Unless someone else is adding posts to my blog without my knowledge.

Also:

“I’m working with a client in the online flower trade industry. I’ve had a look through http://www.mochabeaniemummy.com/ and think that it would be a brilliant place to obtain some advertising for my client.”

Uh…did you read my blog? Like, really really read it? I’m doubting it, somehow.

I would like to direct you to this post from The Bloggess. Don’t go down this route, mkay?

Yours waiting for an email that is entirely relevant,

Mocah Beeny Mommie

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Hotel Chocolat

I love you, I truly do. However, you seem to have mistaken me for someone super skinny and loaded with wads of cash. I hate to break it to you, but these big jumpers I’m wearing this week? They ain’t hiding no cash. But they’re doing a fab job of insulating the poundage I’ve acquired whilst away on holiday, which I couldn’t afford in the first place.

So please. As per our phone conversations, PLEASE. Stop emailing me. Stop sending me love letters. Stop phoning me. I can’t afford your delicious but rather expensive chocolates. I would love to, LOVE TO, but I really can’t.

It pains me to write this more than you would ever know.

Yours trying to be a skinny rich bitch,

Jay. *weep*

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Canon

Why haven’t you written to me asking me to review your 5d or 1d range yet? Geeze, I’ve been waiting a while now…

Yours, more sincerely than one could ever possibly believe,

Jay

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear People Waiting For Me to Email or Mail Them Stuff

I’m totally on top of it all/I’m totally drowning.*

Please delete pending on the importance of your email.

Not at all stressed/immensely stressed,

GAHHHHHH.

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear Appleton Estate

I’m still waiting. *hic*

Jay xxxxxx

~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~≈~

Dear readers

GO. NOW.

Filed Under: asshats, assvice, Dear So and So, PR
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