I LOVE PAIN. Apparently.

July 18, 2011 By 15 Comments

When I was pregnant with Noah, I had SPD and sciatica from about 12-ish weeks, and was on crutches by 14 weeks (right through to the end of the pregnancy). I had migraines so bad I couldn’t see and took great pleasure trying to drive at work without actually being able to see where I was going. With Isaac, well. I knew I was pregnant before I had even taken a test, since the SPD and sciatica kicked in at around 4-5 weeks. That was fun.

I knew things would subside after they wer born; there was no way this shit was going to last forever. I’d been fit as a fiddle beforehand; hell, I still have  medals and awards from my athletics competitions at school. Carrying those bastard cellos around for 26 years made sure I was fit and healthy, for sure.

So Isaac was born, and during the I’m pretty sure he obliterated all the nerves a nerve or two in my right hip. His head hadn’t engaged, so when those waters went, he slammed into my pelvis at full force (11lbs of baby inside a person is just not fun, no matter what anyone says). Instant cramp down my entire leg while pushing him out (the cramp hurt WAY more than his 2ft long body emerging from my crotch) and a slight numbness in my toes.

It’s over 2 years later, and right now, I am sitting typing this with the most excruciating pain down my right leg, and once again my toes are tingling and slightly numb. The pain is similar to the sciatica, but not how I remember it was on my left hand side. What I do know, is that it hurts like fuck.

Was it worth it? Of COURSE it was bloody worth it. I’ve got two of the most gorgeous kids ever to walk the Earth.

But the pain..oh god the pain. D and I talk about having a third. All these maternity and newborn photo shoots I’m doing at the mo are making me broody as hell. We always wanted three. But pregnancy screws my entire body over something chronic, I don’t know if I could handle it. I actually LOVED having a maternity bump, and that weird “Earth Mom” empowered thing you get after delivery was pretty awesome, both times.

And I sit here and think, how bad can it be? I can handle it. It’d TOTALLY be worth it, and it’d be over in about a year.

A year is a long time to be in pain, especially when done voluntarily. And let’s not even load PPD into the equation. Noooo let’s just not go there.

As I move around the house in the last few weeks, I honestly have to be careful not to scream in pain whenever I move wrong. Whether this fucked-up nerve on my right is now sciatica, I don’t know. The pregnancy sciatica was on my left hand side, damage from Isaac was on my right. But I do know that it hurts like a bitch, and my toes are currently numb or tingling 24/7.

Bah. Maybe the decision is already made for me.

Filed Under: assvice, Fucked-Up-Ness, Labour, maternity, Mutha-Hood, nursery, pregnancy, SPD, Ultimate Stresssss

Have we met?

November 23, 2007 By Leave a Comment

Due Date: 01/03/2008

Week: 34+1 days
Month: 8
Trimester: 3
Fetus Age: 32 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 138 bpm
Size: 33 cm
Time to Go: 41 days
Hahaha!
So I remembered about blogging. Cos it’s been…roughly…
Umpteen billion years. There’s good reason though!
No, wait, there isn’t. I got tired. I got bored. I got lazy. I got faaarrrrrrr too depressed…
So let me see if I remember how this works. I write stuff, aaaaannnd…that’s pretty much it. So now I need to catch up on the last umpteen months. Well christ I don’t know if I can do that…I can gloss over stuff though! Let’s see.
DPA – they finally suspended me after me trying to work at R as a classroom assistant. It nearly killed me and I ended up going for emergency physio. Yeh that was fun.
Sciatica – not so bad at the minute, but I also have SPD to go with it. Ahhh it’s so much fun! Kinda like being kicked in the crotch with steel-toe hub-capped boots. Repeatedly. It’s a laugh a minute!
The House: Phase 1 (Bathroom) - Oh my god we’ve had no bathroom for the last month. MONTH. The lovely G&M next door gave me their spare key so I could use their loo. I may have died a hideous death otherwise. But it’s starting to look great now. It’s just a shame that Mr Builder likes to show up when he thinks it’s appropriate (like this morning when the sink and shower could be fitted and there’s NO FREAKING SIGN of him). Mr Tiler has done a fab job though, I’m quite pleased. Just sink, shower, grout and floor to go in then it’s complete. Pretty straightforward, huh?
Hmm…
The House: Phase 2 (Nursery) – it’s lovely. I love it. Only, I can barely get in there because at the moment all Mocha’s stuff is stacked in the crib until I feel happy enough to sort it out. Or, eg, until the frigging bathoom is done and I feel safe in my own goddamn home again (I do NOT like having the fucking toilet and sink stored in the bedroom, thank you very much Mr Builder. That’s a sure-fire way of turning me into crazy psycho preggo woman.)
The House: Phase 3 (Home Birth) – yes you read correctly. Whether it will happen is a different matter as everyone seems to be against it (well, anyone in the medical profession. “SPD!” “First time mum!” “We’re too scared!!”. DH is actually really keen on the idea. The birth unit at BWH is horrible. Hospital is a hospital no matter how much you dress it up. The idea of giving birth at home is one of the best ideas we’ve had this pregnancy. I hope to god it happens. And of course, I’ll kick ass on the way if someone says no.
Me – I’m ok. I have Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, Sciatica, Symphisis Pubis Dysfunction and my nose bleeds weekly when I throw up. I live on banana milk and salt. But you know what? I’m good. Actually, I’m great. And why?
Mocha – Oh my god I love this child so much and it’s not even born yet. I haven’t even seen it. Well, we kind of have, at a 4d scan:
Ohhhhhh my god how cute is this child?
I am totally NOT biased. At all. Seriously.
Filed Under: 4d scan, baby, decorating, maternity, Mommy blog, nursery, pictures, pregnancy, random, ultrascan, work

Come on, keep up!

July 12, 2007 By Leave a Comment

Because you know, I post so often, there’s just too much info for you…errrrrrr yes hi.

Due Date: 01/03/2008
Week: 15+0 days
Month: 4
Trimester: 2
Fetus Age: 13 weeks
Fetal Heartbeat: 140 bpm
Fetal Size: 10.8 – 11.6 cm
Time to Go: 174 days

Crutches do NOT slow me down, no siree bob. Yes, I’m actually faster on them, it’s hilarious. DH and I went to Taste of Birmingham on Saturday, and I used the crutches from physio. It was great. Of course my hands were screwing at the end of the day, my arms were shattered and I was ready to collapse, but MAN it was so nice to be able to move around. Hehehe. And faster than on Heelys too. Ooooooohhhhh yes.

The Situation continues to drag along; Union contacted them and said ‘Er hello? Risk Assessment?’ and work said ‘Oh yeh yeh…here ya go, take this generic one to keep you ticking over. If you’re lucky, we may even arrange a meeting to make it a personal one. But that’s if we pull our finger out.’

Lmao.

Spoken to JT about it some more, he’s gonna draft me some legal looking stuff. Annoyingly, I’m still trying to decide if those involved in The Situation are genuinely being THAT stupid, or if they’re trying to shaft me. If they’re trying to shaft me, then I think I’d like to see considerable mess hitting some sort of fan, because I just want this whole thing resolved now. Wonder if I’m the only one.

I have some more pupils! I’m hoping I can hang on to them til maternity leave, and then hopefully my Old Friend will leave me the heck alone.

Ah yes. My Good Friend. Put in a guest appearance this week, and scared the living bejesus out of me. I didn’t hit rock bottom, but I know I was close. That whole ‘shall I breathe? Can I be bothered? Can I lift my head up to even acknowledge the question DH just asked? Do I even know the answer? Am I dead yet? Can I be?’

The most frightening (and perhaps sobering thought) was that classic guilt that I didn’t want to upset people…not about my own demise, but about Mocha. When I realised I hadn’t had any proper food for nearly three days and had slept on the sofa because I had no desire to go and sleep in a proper bed, I suddenly wondered what I was doing to her. I felt really bad. Strangely not as bad as I should have done, but I think part of that is because I don’t believe in her yet. I wish I would, and pretty soon, it would help an awful lot.

It also doesn’t help with the unecessary duration of The Situation, and I’m convinced that’s one of the main reasons why I’m having trouble. Would be nice to know I don’t have people spying on my every move (is that even allowed??)

On a completely non-related subject, with the support and advice of TT, I have decided that yes I CAN feel Mocha move. It’s quite bizarre, like I’m being gently nudged from the inside! I’d love to say it’s awesome, but I’m still struggling to believe it. I keep saying ‘when it gets stronger, then yeh for sure blah blah’, and so yeh, it got stronger and I’m still like ‘blah blah’. I’ll be convinced one day! Like maybe when she’s ripping her way out of me.

I rediscovered again the other week…it’s so good to find ways to stay in touch with the world.

Filed Under: baby, Depression, maternity, work