How I would like to do all half term holidays from now on.

June 3, 2011 By 10 Comments

They fill you with dread, right? School holidays. 2 Little People running around whom you have to feed and entertain, and (apparently) in a responsible fashion. I took extra measures to survive. I’m pretty fucking proud of my methods.

Monday – I went full-on hands-on mom. They painted, played tunnels, cars, tents, went for a walk – we were on FIRE. However, this is NOT the time to start potty training. That’s just stupid.

Because he will poop in his nappy as soon as you put it on. Of course.

Took them to Wagamama for lunch. Yes, on a Bank Holiday. AND WE SURVIVED. We parked in a car park which was empty, while everyone else queued to get into one that was full. I am yet to understand this. We sauntered straight in, served immediately, started eating.

About 20 minutes in, there was a queue of around 50 people waiting to be seated. I sat there smugly while we casually ate our food.

Then came the crucial part to surviving the week – CRUCIAL – I met up with my sister-in-law and we consumed 2 bottles of wine each. I remember strolling home at 3:30am with Lotso Huggin’ Bear (a much loved and appreciated gift from her) clasped firmly in my crispy aromatic duck-scented fingers. I awoke Tuesday morning to find Lotso firmly rammed under my chin and the desire to drink a bath full of water.

Tuesday – Hmmm…Tuesday is vague to me. I was still drunk. Though I do remember sleeping on the sofa while the in-laws made their weekly visit to see the boys. I didn’t drink any wine that day. But I’m pretty sure I was still drunk that evening. Either way, the boys were awesome with each other.

Wednesday – Still a little hazy, but again, I was helped with the weekly visit from my mom. Go play in the garden (thank you sunshine). She wrestled with them, they wore themselves out, wolfed down the EASIEST prawn and pea risotto. They spent the afternoon watching what I thought was going to be my “Emergency Entertainment Source” – the Tangled DVD, which I’d got on standby. I let them watch it anyway. The credits weren’t even finished and they demanded to watch it again. Who am I to argue? It’s a bloody good film, dammit.

Accompanied, of course, with a picnic tea on the lounge floor when their dad got home.

Thursday – Well Isaac goes to nursery so it’s just me and Noah. Which means…. LEGO.

And not the pieces the size of a house, no. The cool stuff that makes you scream every fucking obscenity under the sun if you step on one with bare feet. And it’s TOY STORY Lego. I want to go and get more of it. For Noah. Obvs. Noah and I also met up with The Mr for lunch – a STEAK pub. A pub which serves almost nothing but STEAKS. Big slabs of MEAT. Served with MEAT. And chips. And MEAT. My kinda place really.

And then clearly half term realised I was actually having a brilliant week, because now the painters are in and holy crap do I have the cramps. But that’s ok because:

Friday – I no longer give a shit because I’ve buggered off to Devon to “Rock The Frock“. See ya on Sunday, innit?

Filed Under: actual happy times, Clickem to Biggem, D, food, Holiday, Isaac, MEAT, Noah, photography, photos, Potty Training, random, work

All Hail Poo, Kisses and Burpees

July 15, 2010 By 9 Comments

Today has to have been one of the most up and down days with Noah. In fact, given his time spent at nursery and the new things he’s learning, MANY days are up and down with him now. He’s still trying really hard with potty training; more often than not he let’s me know when he needs to pee, and he no longer has any accidents at nursery. The odd one at home, but people please! He’s barely 2 and a half. Give him a break.

This afternoon he seemed really out of sorts. Not like, pain-in-arse out of sorts, just slumped on the sofa the whole time, and not really doing anything. I suspect he’s just coming down with a cold maybe; he had the tiniest raised temperature and that familiar rash that appears when he’s ill. But that’s ok; he lay next to me on the sofa, put his feet on my lap and fell asleep for an hour.

He asked for Weetabix for tea, no problem. Wolfed it down, followed by cheese on toast, chocolate spread on toast, jam on toast and then a large cup of fresh banana milk.

He was still really warm, but had his bath and sang me a little song, which had my favourite lyrics ever.

It’s actually Alexandra Burke’s song “Dumb”, but we prefer “Nom”. Obviously.

He was gorgeous at storytime, snuggling up with his Dad while a story was read, gave Isaac his all important kiss goodnight, then went off to brush his teeth. As I was putting Isaac to bed, I heard him pretening to “buzz”, making the same noise mine and D’s electric toothbrushes make. D then put him on the loo for his bedtime pee then came into the nursery with me to wait for him to finish. We leave him in there so he’s not distracted or tempted to play and make conversation when he should be getting ready for sleep.

He’d been a while; I called and asked if he was finished. “No” he said, and went quiet again. A few minutes later I asked him again. “No, no dee dee” (no wee wee).

Fine, we would wait.

Several minutes and much silence later, I asked him if he had done a wee. “No, no dee dee, a boo”

“You’ve done a poo?” I asked, looking at D in utter disbelief.

“Yeah, a boo.”

I told D to go check; low and behold he had done, of his own accord, and wanted us to leave him alone while he finished off. Now, forgive me for celebrating poo, but, FUCK YEAH for potty training! We were so pleased! We made a huge fuss and he was totally proud of himself.

THE DUDE POOPED ON THE FRIGGING TOILET. I was getting bored of poop-filled pants.

He was still a bit whimsy-flimsy when it came to giving him his burpees for bed. He didn’t want them, nor did he want a kiss, cuddle or good night from me. I was a bit gutted, but you know, kids…right?

I went downstairs and about 2 second later he appeared in the lounge, unaccompanied. He signed “sorry”. And he said “dorry mommy”. And then threw his arms around me and gave me a huge hug. He looked me in the eyes, said “a bubby” (burpee – his muslin cloths he uses as comforters), took my hand and we went upstairs to say good night. He gave me a kiss and a cuddle, and waved.

And you know what? Thinking about Tara Cain’s recent post, this evening has really made me realise that the small stuff? Pooping in the toilet? Shooing us away so he could finish? Asking for for Bubby? The apology for not saying goodnight? Kisses and cuddles?

That’s the stuff we should be thinking about.

Filed Under: Noah, Potty Training, Speech

Poo Wars

June 15, 2010 By 5 Comments

Noah: *face slightly contorted, turning red*

Me: Noah are you doing a poo?
N: No.
Me: Would you like to sit on the potty?
N: NO.
Me: Can you poo in the potty?
N: NO!
2 minutes later
D: Noah have you done a poo?
N: No
Me: Daddy check?
N: No, Mummy do it.
D: Mummy change your pants?
N: Yeah, Mummy do it.
Me: Don’t you want Daddy to do it Noah?
D: No Mummy does it really good, doesn’t she Noah?
N: Yeah, Mummy do it.
Me: *mutters: Son if a bitch!* Noah, ask Daddy.
N: NO!! MUMMY DO IT!!!
D: *snigger*
Me: But –
N: MUMMMEEEEEEE!!!!
D: Daddy go get some pants ok Noah? Mummy change you.
Me: …Bastard.
Filed Under: Potty Training

Pee-Pee in the Potty

June 1, 2010 By 5 Comments

Noah has officially commenced potty training. Without any prompting from myself, so of course, I’m IMMENSELY proud.

Because you know, I worked so hard to get here. Heh.
He’s been asking to use the potty or the loo for some time now, and quite happily goes without fuss. Of course, I’m talking pee here. Poop is another story. We’ve caught one or two, and he’s happy to do it in the potty or on the loo, but it’s only day one without nappies, so let’s just take one step at a time, eh??
D and I bought approximately 28 pairs of briefs for him yesterday. And by approximately, I mean EXACTLY. That way he has 7 pairs for nursery, 21 pairs at home, meaning roughly 3 pairs a day.
Oh how stupid am I.
He’s doing pretty well I have to say, first accident wasn’t until 11:30am when he walked over to me with a “cowboy” walk (legs apart, swaggering slightly) and a slight whimper. But he was ok, we whipped them off, sat him on the potty and he finished off.
We’ve had a further 2 accidents, and it occurred to me to put together a number of Potty Training Tips, which personally, I’m finding IMMENSELY useful. I suspect I may use these when Isaac potty trains.
Um, some of these may be from personal experience with Noah. Possibly.

1: If he’s happy in just pants, then just leave him in just pants. You’ll change his outfit 17 times.

2: Buy plenty of soap powder. You’ll be washing a lot of pants.
3: Buy a shit load of pants.
4: Don’t let him sit on your lap.
5: Spare clothes for both of you might help.
6: Buy a shit load of spare clothes
7: Carpets are not that great.
8: Get carpet cleaner.
9: Laminate flooring. Leather sofas. Um, downstairs loo.
10: Do not let the potty out of your sight. One in every room should suffice, 2 or 3 if you’re lazy.
11: Ask every 30 seconds if he wants to go.
12: ASKING if he wants to DO a poo is very different to CHECKING if he’s DONE a poo.
13: Every kid farts. Farts also smell.
14: Don’t let him stand over his brother’s head.
15: If you ask your friends for help, sometimes even the well meant advice isn’t for all.
Filed Under: Noah, Potty Training