Remember those posts I used to write a little while ago where I was spiralling in to depression again, and was terrified I couldn’t get out of the pattern? Yeah? Noticed how I haven’t done one of those posts for a while? Yeah? Notice how on twitter, if you follow me, I’ve been borderline nauseatingly happy and chirpy 95ish% of the time? Yeah?
Well I changed a few things.
Well actually I changed one thing: I stopped taking the pill. I know some of you had previously said that the pill is a major mojo killer – I totally agree. But what I hadn’t anticipated finally going back on to Cerazette after I finished nursing Isaac (over 4 years since I stopped taking it?), was that it was slowly destroying me. My cycles were so heavy it was ridiculous, the pain often left me feeling crippled, and the spiralling…oh my God, the spiralling.
I’d never had PMT before, and for me to have to go to the doctor because I was scared of what I was going to do to myself or my kids every month was enough to make me get over to her sharpish. I hated not wanting to live any more, I hated what the chemical and emotional processes were doing to me and the endless guilt from the hurt I was causing my family was just too much to bear.
Doc was surprised to hear about what was happening; Cerazette is a very adaptable pill apparently, and works wonders with the majority of women. I can’t take any other pills as a migraine sufferer, so this was my only weapon of choice. Looking back? I should probably have just abstained entirely since I started taking it again. We talked through my options and briefly discussed PMDD. She gave me a chart and stuff to fill in so we could monitor what was happening, but quite frankly? I’d had enough. I stopped the pill the following morning, when I was due on.
That was 2 cycles ago. I’m hideously irregular (I used to be so clockwork I could probably have timed it down to the hour) but Jesus, that depression shit? NOTHING like what I used to have. I’m not saying I’m “cured”, by any means; I still need to find a contraception that works for us (currently looking at the coil now, any thoughts? Have you tried it? Good bad?) and having had the implant previously, well, let’s just say that gaining over a stone in weight, losing handfuls of hair and being so vile with PMT it’s a wonder divorce wasn’t on the cards, just doesn’t really appeal to me, you know?
I’m now into my third cycle. My mojo is returning (slowly but surely – it’s been a long time, ok?), I couldn’t tell you how long this cycle will last (a 37 day cycle can really shit a person up. Thank god for those old spare pregnancy tests, eh?) and condoms are really, really (REALLY) dull, but I’m finally starting to feel human. I DO feel human. There’s a haze that’s been lifted from my head, and it’s nice to be able to see again.
What hormone contraception do you use and how has it affected you? Have you seen the effects it’s had on others? Do you have depression and how do you manage it with your cycles? Maybe you’re a bloke and you’ve seen the effect it’s had on your missus – how did you/she deal with it? Would love to know your thoughts!